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I don't... [ He starts, but before he can finish the sentence, it just trails off. A small sound follows it. It almost sounds like frustration, but in that confused sort of way, like Inigo just really doesn't know how to put something.

But he's trying. They're lying here so close to each other now, so he wants to try and be open, even if it's hard. Even if he usually doesn't talk about this stuff. ]

I don't fight for me. I never have. I.. I fought for others, of course, so they could have a choice, but.. [ Never him.

Maybe that's the problem. He's never thought of himself, ever since he started fighting. Protecting Ylisse was about saving other people's lives. Going back to the past even moreso, since he knew fully well that he'd just be erasing his own existence, his own place in any world.

And that decision had been so easy.

He hadn't even had to think about it for a single moment. ]

I'm not sure if I ever even really thought about me as a person. I just thought about.. about what I had to do.

...Yuna... was kinda the same.

[ He's sure he's shared it before. A story that isn't his own, but a story he fought against. Her life for everyone else's, that will that was unyielding in its determination. Until the very end, and on - because they came to that end that so many other summoners faced, and- they moved on.

The memories - that apprehension, that fear - seeps over him easy, that frame of mind. Admirable, maddening; the fear above all. Tidus, considering it for just a second, rolls himself around. Mindful of Inigo's arms, of where his shoulder ends up resting. He can't really see Inigo under this shroud of the night, except for the vague of outlines. His nose, the sliver of light catching on an eye. ]

Living just so other people do. Sacrificing everything to give everyone else a future... So they wouldn't be afraid one day.

[ He holds, voice low. ]

But... you're someone too, [ he promises gently, words subdued by the night. ] You have a future.

[ A future he should take. A future he should dare to dream for. ]

It's okay if it's hard. [ ... ] But it's nice, isn't it? When we don't fight, and hangout. I want to fight for everyone else, but... I want to fight for that too. For everyone. Me and you too.

[ Maybe it's ironic.

Inigo always thought that Tidus would be the shyer one in this situation. With them lying next to each other like this, facing each other, rather than the times where they've been lying in bed back-to-chest instead. But now this is actually happening, even in the dark when it's hard to make out much of anything, Inigo is the one who feels the shyness in his heart grow.

Maybe it's since it's Tidus. Or maybe it's since Inigo has always been bad at letting the sun he shines over everyone else turn towards him without feeling like he doesn't deserve it. ]

.. It is nice. [ He finally manages to force out after a moment, his voice softer. Grateful that the darkness most likely hides the tears he starts feeling in his eyes. As if he hasn't cried enough today yet to already have run completely dry. ] I like it. When we hang out. When we-- I try to be normal.

[ Even though it's unfamiliar, and even though he feels like he fumbles more often than not. ]

I'm happy whenever we do that.

[ I'm happy when I'm near you.

He tucks those words away carefully inside of his heart, even moreso after the mention of Yuna. ]

[ Tidus chuckles, a glad sound, small and light. A hand fumbling between them in the dark, his fingers brushing against a chest, a forearm, until Tidus finds the hand he's looking for. Because he wants to take it in his, give it one last squeeze for confidence; bring it up between them, settle it there for just a moment. ]

Cool. [ Eheh. ] Nice. See? Not so bad, being a normal guy. Not everything's about magic or fighting.

[ A tease, and he takes his hand away. ]

We should do more normal guy things. [ Oh- ] Let's buy some more magazines.

Are magazines really that much of a normal guy thing?

[ It sounds as if Inigo wants to say it in some dry, deadpan way. But it ends up coming out a bit differently because of the tears in his eyes, because of how tender the emotions in his chest feel right now - a bit more choked than he intended it to. ]

You might have to guide me on that one. [ There's a slight pause, and then it's Inigo's hand fumbling, trying to find the hand that just left his own. ] A-And sheesh, at least let me hold your hand right now, okay.. Don't just pull it away like that.

Sor-ry! [ He sing-songs in mock huffiness, humour colouring the edges of the word. His hand back in Inigo's grasp. ] I didn't know the rules! Okay, I guess you get whatever you want.

[ Heh! ] But anyway, I liked magazines. I used to read them all the time! It's fun, you can read all kinds of stuff in them. Half of it's junk, but who cares? Junk's all you want from magazines.

[ There's a beat though, and Tidus remembers- ] Oh, what did you think of your magazines anyway?

[ It's a slight surprise that Tidus gives them the hand so easily. Even the huffiness isn't real - Inigo can tell as much, after witnessing it enough times.

But it's not the kind of surprise he's going to complain about. Quite the contrary. Inigo can feel himself instinctively smile the moment the hand is back in his grasp, the hold tightening into a momentary squeeze before going back to holding it regularly. ]

I liked them.

[ No hesitation or shame about that now, despite the subject. Tidus already knows about the dancing, whatever. What does he have left to hide? ]

There were all sorts of things in there about dance I'd never even heard of before. And honestly, it's so much easier to read than a book.

Yeah, right? There's magazines in the library, but they're all to do with void travel this or voidcrafts that. They're never anything fun!

[ Sorry, Nita. Meanwhile, sleepiness massages the edges of Tidus's eyes, holding on even in the time he closes his eyes. Difficult to see much of anything in the first place, but this mood is a lot nicer, something Tidus isn't yet willing to give up. A cheeriness returned after the twists and turns of their own fears and futures. ]

You should get more dancing magazines. Treat yourself! And I'll get a couple of blitzball magazines. How about it?

[ A faint, amused sound escapes Inigo. ]

You know that I'm not going to remember half of this in the morning, right?

[ Okay, maybe it's an exaggeration. He's going to remember quite a bit of this, especially since they discussed some pretty serious topics. And Inigo doubts he's going to forget this feeling anytime soon. Lying there together, so close, Tidus's hand in his own. It's just nice. It's warm. He wants to treasure it. ]

You could make me promise just about anything right now, because I'm not going to remember anyway. [ That's what usually happens with sleepy talk, after all. ]

Edited 2020-12-23 18:42 (UTC)

Hrmmmm? [ There's a low rumble of delight; a temptation offered and found. ] Sounds I should raise the stakes. Anything I want?

[ A low chuckle that doesn't leave his mouth. He flicks his forefinger against the hand with it playfully. Not really catching, not really meaning anything. ]

Videogames. Let's play more.

Sure.

[ It's basically an instant response. Not even a single thought behind it. Just Inigo agreeing right away, considering what he just said a moment ago.

His eyes close, but judging from his words, he's still very much lucid and awake. It's just that he's comfortable. ]

Any other requests, your royal highness? The world is your oyster. [ See, he's even using a metaphor that Tidus would understand!! Isn't he so considerate. ]

[ He could ask for anything. Raise the stakes, make Inigo sell some promise to him for Tidus to make him recall the next morning. And he thinks, wonders, squeezes for an idea. But what is there to ask for? To have Inigo let him borrow his ticket? To spend his points on him? Like Inigo wouldn't anyway.

But Tidus doesn't care for any material gain. Anything - and everything - else, Tidus remembers as the thought emerges, Inigo's promised already.

--Remember me.

--Of course I'm going to remember you. I'm never, never going to forget you. You're.. You're so important to me.

And any jokes, any playful emotion is smothered under the comfort of that promise. That truth, this friendship. Their hands wrapped together, everything shared on this night; everything between them this day and all the rest before it. Tidus thinks he can hear Inigo breathing under the music of the rain, and he likes it enough to pretend he can, no matter the truth. ]

Nah, [ he decides on a breath. A sincere finality, but ending on a light note: ] I'll let you know if I change my mind.

[ But, he's sure he's happy with what he has. Here, now.

He isn't alone. ]

[ There's a moment of quiet after that answer. Almost enough to wonder if Inigo somehow did fall asleep, despite sounding pretty awake a moment ago, despite his closed eyes.

But he isn't sleeping just yet. After that moment, he speaks up again. ]

Then..

[ His voice trails off, and his thumb moves just a little against the hand in his own, gently stroking the skin underneath. ]

Does that mean I make a request instead?

[ Mmm? ]

You can- [ spoken quietly, teasing; then, a hushed whisper: ] If you dare.

[ Tidus isn't looking anywhere now, himself. Eyes closed, though his mind's eye can see the stroke of that thumb as it moves, a calming presence. ]

Let's do this again.

[ The words are still a little quiet, but audible over the rain, considering how light it is at this point, almost little more than a muted background noise.

Compared to Tidus's teasing tone, this sounds very much serious, no matter how quietly it's said. ]

No matter what happens.. Let's not let this be the last time.

[ Even Inigo isn't too sure why he's saying it. Maybe it's the nature of some of the topics they discussed tonight. Maybe it's the whole thing with Roland earlier, where for a moment it felt like they had lost him altogether - and even once they found him alive, it still felt like they temporarily lost part of him. Maybe it's since it feels omnious, like the prelude to something worse.

He squeezes Tidus's hand, but doesn't move, nor opens his eyes. ]

That's all I want.

... Sure.

[ He could joke, he could tease. Question Inigo about what he means, and maybe Tidus should. Just to be sure, than to let in the little doubt that has room to exist in what Inigo's asking.

But it's late, and Tidus doesn't want to sweat the details. If it's this, the two of them sharing the night, or if it's this, the words and connection that's passed between them -- Tidus is fine with either. Though, less of the pain and heartbreak and frustration would be nice.

No. No sweating the details. ]

Good night, Inigo.

[ He'd take more of this, as long as it's about them. ]

[ It's easier, anyway. Not asking about the details. Because while Inigo may have mostly been intending them lying here together like this, with physical contact and sharing what lives in their hearts, it may have been something bigger than that at the same time. Just a desire for them to not part, even though it feels like it'll inevitably have to happen at some point.

But he tries to not think about it. Instead just allows himself to drift further into sleep, trying to shut down his brain the best he can. ]

.. good night, Tidus..

[ His voice already sounds more sleepy.

But he doesn't let go of the hand. He's still holding it, even by the time Inigo's breath slows down and evens out, obviously having fallen asleep. It's always been easier for him to do that with someone else by his side, compared to how often anxious thoughts keep him up when he's alone. ]

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