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Please don't mind Tidus as he turns his head and makes this face trying not to laugh.

There it is.

Whatever it is Roland's supposed to be doing is immediately halted, the metal bowl in his hand dropped unceremoniously unto the counter, a bang he didn't intended to sound so loud the way that it does...but just hearing that from Inigo and now, seeing Tidus look away -

"...Oh, you've got to be kidding me." There's no other explanation for the way his face drops, the expression like stone on a face that looks way too young to be this unbelieving, this taken aback. Of all the things he never expected to hear from Inigo of all people, it would be performance issues.

And of course, there's only one person to blame for all this. It becomes all too clear to Roland how things have been set up; suddenly coming into the kitchen, asking him to cook pancakes, of which Tidus failed to perform himself. Was he still angry about that? It was a joke he made to Roland first! Look at this kid, dishing it out but can't handle it when he does it right back!

Roland has a hand on his hip and all searching has stopped. He leans his other hand on the counter like some house dad looking at twin teens for ANSWERS. But one teen in particular, is getting the stare down of his life.

"Look at me. What exactly did you tell him?" Roland mutters wryly, unblinking.

Edited 2021-01-05 16:56 (UTC)

What is Tidus meant to do in this situation?

The clatter of the bowl, the exasperation expelled from Roland. A hitch of a laugh leaves Tidus, turning into low chuckles that shake his shoulders as his arms wrap around his gut. It was worth it. Everything was worth it! Not even the fear of an adult telling off can do anything to dispel this absolutely riot going of inside Tidus.

But he turns. Slowly. His face so rigid and smile so large; like a cork to hide the flood of emotion he really feels. Arms folded very naturally in front of his stomach.

"What. Inigo's just concerned. 'Bout your issues. Pops."

Of course that kind of reaction from Roland is only going to inspire a single emotion in Inigo. And that is panic. Because even though Inigo was - genuinely so! - trying to be helpful here, it seems that his words had the exact opposite effect. He knows it the moment Roland's expression drops from that, going from suspicious (bad) to exasperated (worse).

And the worst part is that Inigo isn't even sure why. He feels like there's something here that majorly went over his head, because why would Roland feel or look that way otherwise!

At least, before Inigo can fall into a fullblown panic, he can follow Roland's gaze. See where it's going, and see that it's thankfully mostly aimed at the other teenage.

Who seems totally unfazed in the face of it.

It takes a few moments, but slowly the puzzle pieces are starting to fall into place in Inigo's mind. He too turns towards Tidus, but Inigo just looks like he's in total dramatic despair over here.

"Tidus, what did you do?!"

HE CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE USING HIM AS A PAWN IN YOUR SCHEMES.

Oh, this guy is getting it good.

The front he presents to both of them is eerily calm, steady lips without a single movement, and if there's any sign that Roland hasn't actually turned to stone, it's that he's visibly breathing out. Counting to five in his head. The frown that's etched itself into his expression could seem permanent at the rate Tidus recovers and pokes fun at him still. Roland usually, wouldn't relent. Petty things like this; he's used to it from him!

But Inigo is being misled, and his own honor is being put into question - or otherwise. Whatever it is you call it. For a joke that apparently, he carried with him to his bedside and never let go!!!

"Issues, huh."

Suddenly, he jumps back into movement, resuming the assembly of bowls and ingredients. Dry goods first, plopped down nicely before he makes a whole motion to look around for the wet ingredients next. But his mouth shows a smile, or a mix thereof with a smirk or a taunt that may be soon to follow. He's not hiding it; if Tidus wants to play, so be it! May the pup be the witness to the truth!

"No, no. I'll make pancakes. I'll make as many pancakes as I can. And then when I'm done with the batter," Roland looks pointedly at Tidus, a quiet energy charged beneath a seemingly calm facade. "Tidus is going to flip the pancakes for us, Inigo. He's going to flip it right in front of us, and he'll do it until we get a whole stack of pancakes ready to serve."

Was that all? Absolutely not. He hopes Tidus has been practicing because he's got plans now that Inigo calls out performance issues - the joke that has developed far more than Roland ever anticipated. The President can be just as silly when he wishes too, only when the right eyes are on him. That laugh is enough to incite his wrath though, so he'll add one last thing before a pouch of baking soda is placed on the counter next.

"Tidus can taste test too, pup. Don't worry. He's a fan of the Crane family recipe! Loves the stuff. Can you help your daddy out today? Make sure he eats plenty?"

His word choice is pretty clear too. Oh, he's in the ring alright. He's ready to go.

Tidus meets the accusation from Inigo's side the same as he's already meeting Roland: feigned innocence that doesn't hit well when a perplexed raise of the brow fights to ignore the smile that can't be pushed down off his face. A shrug of his shoulders, a tilt of his head doing little to aid his point. What did he do?? What did he do indeed??

But then- a new challenger arrives. A returning one even, with a smile and presence that almost confuses Tidus for what it is. Exasperation that's found its footing, and Tidus isn't sure how to react immediately to this shift. Until the goal of it is finally made clear in a delivery that may paint itself as calm, innocuous. Except with those eyes unwavering on him and the mention of flipping leaving Roland's lips.

Oh. Oh.

"I'll flip every single pancake you want me to!" Tidus meets Roland's threat with a loud and daring energy on his own; somehow seeming straighter, taller, all the ready to go. "You better help the old man with his measuring, Inigo. His eye sight isn't what it used to be. Or is your tongue the problem? Losing your tastebuds?"

Why is this escalating so rapidly.

Granted, Inigo is used to situations that involve both him, Roland and Tidus to escalate. That much is normal, they've had enough of those moments together. But this feels like something beyond that - especially since it feels like something he's not in on. Inigo obviously missed some conversation between the other two here, because it's not like this fire of competition just starts burning out of nowhere.

He instinctively takes a step back, like he definitely doesn't want to be right between those two when they get like this. Hey, please spare him from ending up as collateral damage, thanks..

"H-Hey, come on, you two!" Inigo starts, knowing that this attempt to pacify is probably useless when the two of them have already come this far. He can't help but put up his hands all the same though.

But what else is he supposed to do in this warzone of a kitchen all of a sudden?!

"Can't we just enjoy pancakes the regular way..?" Without potential death. The death of someone's dignity here, that is.

There is only one person to blame in this historical meeting of the stubborn, and it's definitely not the guy already multitasking by opening up the bags of flour, getting jars of sugar and salt ready with flipped lids. Inigo's attempt to side-step while playing peacemaker at the same time is well-received, but for some reason, it only goads Roland further into mischief. He has all his facilities in a state of calm despite the rising pitch of words and challenges thrown his way, but Roland's placing more effort in withholding a grin that threatens to break his facade rather than actually pretending to be passive about it all.

Performance issues, oh give him a break! One joke! One!

When the measuring cups come out, Roland dips it into a mound of white before the flour fills the rim, dumped into his mixing bowl with eerie cheer.

"Oh, don't worry Inigo. We're enjoying pancakes every which way. I mean, that's the plan at least." The way he adds more and more of each ingredient becomes worrisome, but Roland retains his confidence in every teaspoon of sugar dumped in with the flour; he's certain that this is how much to add. When he told Tidus that day that he still remembers how it goes, that wasn't a lie. Not even know, his hands only pausing to read labels before his mind recalls what needs to be done and it's added right away.

The way he leads them on though - the way the sentence ends and lilts - is indicative that there's something else resting on that sharp tongue.

"If Tidus can even get the thing up. The frying pan we'll be using to cook, I mean. To flip."

Round two, fight.

Tidus is watching Roland with very little promise for how this is going to go. But does he interrupt, guide Roland in the middle of the war? He's going big for someone who can barely get right the measurements for a handful of pancakes, and Tidus can tell from from where he stands. Hey, he's just the guy here to flip.

And bite.

"Uh huh," comes dry off the end of that joke explained. Keep going, pal. Tidus leans the side of his weight against a steel counter, arms comfortable folded across his stomach. "The only flaccid thing here is Roland's technique. You sure you're gonna satisfy anyone with those teaspoons there? But I guess a guy in politics knows how to look good on the outside, but where it actually counts..."

Does Tidus actually know anything about politicians? No, but he'll leave himself trailing there, hope his words hit their mark. All show, no substance.

(inigo who)

There has never been a moment where Roland said 'don't worry' and Inigo has been more worried about it than this very moment right here. Especially with everything that's going into these pancakes. Inigo has never made them before, so he has no clue if Roland is doing it the right way, but.. is there really supposed to be so much stuff in it?!

He's so worried about what might end up going into Tidus's mouth in a little while that all the innuendo flying back and forth is going fifteen miles straight over his head.

Instead he just moves until he can latch onto Tidus's arm with both hands (that's what happens when you forget he's there for a moment, bro!), looking at the other with big, concerned eyes.

"T-Tidus, you don't know what you're saying! What if that poisons you!" What if Roland is messing up the pancakes on purpose, huh?

He turns his head - though still not letting go of that arm - to glance over at Roland. A pleading look in his eyes. Maybe the older guy is the one easier to convince over here.

"And father, you'll just make him say more mean things!"

PLEASE! He's trying to play peacekeeper here!

"Mean things? More like slanderous things."

After he TRUTSED him with the CRANE FAMILY RECIPE!!! Inigo, listen to your dad, he's being undermined! He's being betrayed! A breach of contract! There is no love in this house!!!

He's dumping in an extra teaspoon of sugar while staring at Tidus in the eye. If he thinks he's breaking a sweat out of a little under the belt play, he's got another thing coming.

"Besides, it's not about the size of the utensil, Tidus." Eggs are next - he remembers two, so he cracks them in with the dry ingredients. How he does this without looking at the bowl is perhaps the most impressive feat of all. "It's about how you use 'em. I mean, I certainly don't have to overcompensate with fancy flipping."

Beating the eggs in now with a fork first, to break the yolks. Calm yet aggressive, two things that shouldn't be used to describe anything together, yet here he is anyway. Fork's traded in for a spatula next, and the batter slowly comes together, looking more like it's ready for the pan.

"Please, I'm not gonna eat that."

There's no worry from Tidus from Inigo's frantically growing concern, a scoff given, but there's no reaction from him as he's clung onto one side like a damsel in distress in need of her (his) hero.

But this is now just a slander zone. There's nothing coming out but what these two are spitting out at each other, ready for the other to take their shot so they can send theirs back. Does Tidus care about the pancake part anymore? No, he's more interested in what comes out of Roland's mouth to get him riled up.

Like digging on his flips.

"You can't compensate with anything when you've got no moves, old man. Worried about breaking that back? You put your plate of goods out in front of someone and you're gonna make them cry. And trust me, that's not for more!"

Pancakes. He's talking about pancakes.

Yeah, don't mind Inigo over here. He's still very much clinging to Tidus - perhaps since he has no clue what else to do, since nothing seems like it's going to make the two stop short of the train suddenly flying straight into the sun. Or maybe since the other is letting him, and Inigo may as well take advantage of the opportunity.

And instead there's just a tiny: "I would eat Roland's food without crying.."

Because that's what they're talking about, right? Pancakes?

He hears Inigo mutter, maybe, but the more prominent attack on his personhood is what Roland makes moves against, the beating in the bowl halting and both his hands finally resting against his hips. There are very few moments where he genuinely feels like his temper is rising, Batu being the number one guy to bring the worst out of him when he barely tries, but this might just be the first time he allows a bit of it to steam out, his frown deepening.

"You know, that's pretty rude talk considering I was asked to cook a family recipe out of nowhere." Roland returns to the bowl, and his inclination to put the usual candies and chocolates inside of it whimpers away, knowing he's actually being made fun of. Usually, he's not one to rise to it, but today he's pushed to the brink of Dad!

He grabs a pan and sets it down immediately on the burner. The butter added to it cold before the fire is on. A spatula rests in his grip while his other hand remains by a cocked hip.

"You're both going to eat these pancakes, and that's final." Because he did NOT just waste precious supplies for a running joke that won't even hit because by no means is this supposed to taste good anyway!! Sorry your bro didn't warn you that the Crane Family Recipe was actual garbage, Inigo! Or that maybe, just maybe, it's starting to dawn on Roland that he's growing slightly upset at the idea that something he's never asserted he was good at is being challenged.

Wh-where's the barely-innuendos? The bite? The attack? Why is this now just a massive wall of disappointment that Tidus has nothing to attack with without getting actually personal? (Please, nevermind the remarks on Roland's non-existent sex life. It's non-existent! And also obviously jokes!)

Which has left Tidus realising he's in a rather awkward position from that first turn and talk about family recipes. He's not about to diss an intimate piece of family history deliberately; he hadn't even really been aiming for that, when his own idea of the 'Crane family recipe' was more the creative imagery than, well... the taste.

So Tidus is quiet, eyes darting about awkwardly, but not particularly on anyone. Resting a moment on Roland's back when he turns again, but then what is he supposed to do?

He's been told he's eating those pancakes. Now...

...

...

......maybe he's realising this joke has gone too far and he doesn't know what to do........

Inigo can hardly realise what's happening here, even as he's seeing it play out in front of his own eyes.

But it's a good thing in this case. Maybe. The fact that he's so baffled by Roland's sudden anger and Tidus's sudden silence in turn makes the fact that Roland seems angry at both of them fly past Inigo a little, not leaving any time or room for him to get that awful nauseated feeling in his stomach he always does when he thinks Roland is disappointed in him.

No, instead Inigo is left thinking about how these two got into some.. some dumb joke competition, and now they've just made it awkward?! And who is the one who has to clean this whole dumb mess up now?! UGH.

Slowly he lets go of Tidus, figuring that starting with Roland here is probably the better thing to do. Taking a step over, closer towards Roland is. Then another. Even if the other one has their back turned towards them, Inigo speaks up all the same.

"Father.. Are you hurt? I'm sorry."

Yes, he's apologizing even though he's been nothing but a pawn in this scheme. And then was promptly pushed to the background. Because someone here has to say sorry, and if Inigo has to be the one to do it, then whatever! He will!

"You know Tidus didn't mean it that way! He wouldn't want to hurt you for real.."

Edited 2021-01-10 19:30 (UTC)

"Hm. Could have fooled me." He delivers straight-faced.

There's only the slow sizzle of butter heating up in the pan that follows the hum reverberating from Roland. He realizes now, hyper-focused in the task despite the rare appearance of his temper, that it might hurt a bit to think that the joke always seemed to end with the things he makes being discarded in one way or another.

Not that this comes to him as a surprise. He knows where his talents lie, and that's why he sticks to what he knows on most days. If anything, he's only further spurred on to learn more about kitchen crafts so that he can actually be useful where it counts. Roland's not going to have chefs and private white house kitchens for long, no matter which way he looks at things.

Maybe he really did have performance issues.

"Don't worry. I'll just make one big pancake. I won't make a full stack." Since it'd be more of a waste. He'll dispose of his toxic mix later. For now, the spatula is set to rest against the edge of the frying pan as a measuring cup replaces it in his grip, dipped into the batter. A big circle is formed in the center, then two smaller ones at the top - mice? Probably. Though he does this too quickly such that there's not enough time for heat to form the first circle, only creating a barely-formed shape in the end. More blob than mouse. He throws a face at the pan, a Look well-practiced, before he sighs quietly under his breath barely audible. The utensils for pouring are left to the side right away, shoved almost unwantedly, and he waits patiently for the batter to settle. No need for any fancy candies or chocolates this time, still remembering such a declaration that might have sharpened more than he anticipated, cutting close, nicking him where it matters. He's not eating this.

"I'll flip this one for now. It's fine." Roland adds, adjusting the fire but otherwise staying at his station, unmoving and quiet.

mmrmrmrrrrhrrghghghghhhhh!!!!!!

Never has Tidus felt so stuck, indecisive of what to do. In so little time, Roland has become a barricade, a wall; the simple delivery of what he speaks making Tidus want to shrink with the chill of it. Look at him! He's barely engaging with them! They upset him-- no, he upset him bad! Which part? When did things get this bad? Weren't they all just joking around?

Tidus can't stand it. It turns from a low, grumbling whine to a full out sound of exasperation, the whistle of a train going off and Tidus takes the few steps next to Roland with an agitated energy than can't be contained any longer.

"Just make the pancakes! All of them, as a stack! Like you would!" Tidus close to pleads. "I was just messing around, Rol, I wasn't being serious about your food! I thought we were just having a dumb joke about the performance issues! I'm sorry, okay? C'mon!"

He's desperate, cheeks a rosy colour at the emotions rising in him and how tense the kitchen suddenly got (from where Tidus was standing, anyway). Things are wrong and he doesn't like it, but is he going to get through to Roland? His feet burn where they keep on the floor, the desire to move and pace in him, but he's controlling himself.

Come onnn mannnn! It's just a joke that went too far!

This all feels so ridiculous. The jokes already did, especially with Inigo having no idea what the two were going on about other than the fact that Tidus was trying to make fun of Roland's cooking abilities. But this situation feels even dumber. Is this what it looks like to them when he is the one who gets all worked up over nothing? By Naga, he's really got to stop doing that, because something about this situation just wants to shake both of them to make them snap out of it.

Thankfully Tidus does seem to be conceding a little here - enough to at least try to apologize to Roland in his own way. So Inigo will give him the floor for that, without diverting some of the attention back to himself. No, instead he just stares at the other two, like he's waiting for Roland's reaction. Will this be enough to make the other guy go back to normal even slightly? It's as if Inigo's own words ran straight into a wall just now, after all.

Tidus offers him the proverbial olive branch, but the words he says hit Roland differently. He may show them a particular side of him that always allows or otherwise disregards such playful jabs at his expense, but the times when such remarks do hit a tender spot, the recoil to his spirit is significantly heavy. Like he might actually care more than he lets on; that what they think of him and how they perceive him matters...

However, Roland's knee jerk reaction is to assume responsibility in a bid to retain his cool disposition. The approach and the appeal to make more than one giant, weirdly shaped pancake, is met with a dismissive wave of a hand and a brief shake of his head. The spatula returns to the pan and loosens the edges of the pancake in question.

"Enough. It's fine. I apologize if I played along without quite understanding the punchline myself." There's a reach for the butter, a whole knob separated from the rest of its gooey body using the edge of the utensil. "Or, the performance issue might be precisely this." The butter hits the pan and it sizzles louder than before. Now is when Roland turns to look at both of them, though his gaze lingers on Inigo for a moment longer, his smile not quite reaching his eyes.

"I think what Tidus was telling you about performance had to do with my cooking," he says, rather dispiritedly. With the spatula down, one hand rests against his hip again, while the other prepares the pan, grip firm on the handle. "It's not so good unless someone watches over me, or I have instructions. As you might have already guessed, when we...made the meal before. Heh."

The pancake, despite its relatively large size, starts to move and sway in the pool of butter. Now, Roland turns back to Tidus, trying in his own way to circle past performance issues.

"So, I discovered that the secret to a good flip is really in the butter. Or a well-greased pan. Look - " Roland demonstrates by shifting, pulling and tugging, until he raises the frying pan a little over the air, with the pancake sliding successfully against the edge and flopping down on the raw side. Not as clean as he might have wanted, but it was a flip nonetheless. N-Not a performance issue, as he did technically rise to the challenge...

"- See? It's all in the wrist." Now, for a plate to serve it in. "This should be ready after a couple of minutes. Just eat this one. I'll get better and make a fresh batch some other day."

The words don't land anywhere close to where Tidus wanted them to. Roland continues unaffected, the adult in the room, while Tidus's actions continue to be misconstrued. And Tidus can only allow it for as far as they're spoken out loud; the hand on Roland's hip, the butter beginning to lightly sizzle and grease the pan it's been placed in.

He speaks up as soon as he hears it, before it can go any further.

"--I was making a dick joke! It was always a dick joke!"

He speaks loudly, just to be clear; to try and get through, that note of desperation not yet gone. This isn't how he wants to hear Roland be. This isn't what he wanted to happen.

"I'm not gonna make fun of you just 'cause you messed up some ingredients. I wasn't-- that wasn't the point of it. I just knew you'd remember if Inigo brought it up!"

His head hangs, and what else is there he can say? Except for the obvious.

"I was a jerk, so just go ahead and call me a jerk. I played a trick and messed up, alright? I'm sorry."

This is.

So dumb.

So dumb that Inigo isn't even getting distracted with any dramatic reactions towards Tidus's reveal that he was using Inigo for a dick joke of all things, towards his father of all people. No, that can wait. Or just be ignored. Because Inigo really feels his hands itching way too much to not get involved with this huge mess. Because he can't really stand here and watch this trainwreck unfold otherwise, not with how Roland only seems to retreat further into his own thoughts, not with how actually guilty Tidus looks.

So he steps forward, grabbing Roland's panless hand into his own, and then one of Tidus's hands into his other hand. Squeezing both of those hands, as if demanding both of their attention.

"Listen."

Listen to him. Does Inigo need to be the adult here?

"Roland, so what if you're not a perfect cook? There are plenty of other things you can do, and can do super well! Not to mention that you did fine that time when we cooked together-- and cooking without instructions is something you can learn, so there's no need to feel so bad about it! Knowing you, you'll be able to learn it in no time." Inigo shakes his head. "And like Tidus said, he's not even making fun of you for it! You know Tidus. You know what he's like. He's even saying sorry, so you're just going to make him feel worse if you're going to keep feeling bad over it!"

His gaze shifts over towards Tidus.

"And you shouldn't be so hard on yourself either. I mean-- It's a good thing to say sorry." Especially since Roland seems so weirdly upset compared to the usual. "But you didn't mean anything bad by it! You were just trying to have fun, and it did seem like you two were having fun together, so of course you'd get lost in it. It's not like you knew Roland would feel bad."

Inigo is quiet for a moment, but then exhales. A looong breath.

"I'm not just going to stand here and watch you both feel bad when you've got nothing to feel bad about! You're both fine!"

You're both fine.

Roland is a rationale person. He knows that everything is fine now, which is why he's definitely not still tweaking with the fire, lowering it as the misshapen final pancake rests in a sheen of buttery grease before a plate can be put to serve it in. It's also why he's only looking at the hand holding his own, and at the two who seem to be in contrasting moods; with Tidus's apology and admission of the entire thing being the dick joke Roland already knew about, and Inigo taking a page out of the adulting book to reconcile the miscommunication.

But he supposes that apart from the non-issue of cracking jokes about performance issues and flipping of food in pans, Roland's frown remains in place and grows only slightly deeper in his realization that it's not the joke that made him react the way that he did. It's hard to place, as foreign as it is.

Maybe some clarity is shed when he smiles tightly, shaking his head. He doesn't let go of Inigo's hand, and he lets go of the pan at last.

"Yeah. It's fine. I'm sorry, it was a funny joke." Not really, but he'll say what he has to, the aforementioned adult, the guy who doesn't quite understand embarrassment in its full spectrum of color.

"Tidus just didn't want to eat the pancake." There it was. "So I figured...Hm. Anyway. I'm okay. Let's serve this up and you can just taste a bit of it before I eat the rest."

Cool, say the dick joke was a funny joke and make it all the worse for it, great! It's not like Tidus doesn't already feel like an unfunny loser right here, especially with how Inigo is standing there holding one of his hands, speaking to the pair of them like some primary school teacher. Guuuuhhhh.

Whatever, the dumb dick joke isn't really the important part here. It's that way that Roland still seems to retreat into being the upstanding adult of the room, and Tidus doesn't know what to do or how to react to that. As if anything he says is going to be the overreaction, but so what?

"It was a joke," he's pleading anyway, he's asking you once more. More of a groan this time, as if he's not sure he'll ever get through to Roland. "'Course I was gonna eat the pancakes. You're just gonna give me one? I haven't eaten all morning. I had to deal with Inigo dropping on me and now this!"

He waves his free hand at the other guy. He's only going to get a bite out of one pancake after everything his morning's been?? Hello??

Maybe if some people here weren't being dumb, he wouldn't have to pull out the kindergarten aide act!

Though he's not sure it's helping much. There's still-- still something to Roland. Tidus's mood is a lot easier to read here, but Inigo can feel something radiating off the older guy that he can't quite place as easily, nor does he have any idea about what may serve best to help ward it off.

"Come on, Roland! If that's the whole problem, we'll just tie Tidus to a chair and stuff him full of pancakes!" Not that Tidus didn't already say he wants to eat it, but maybe this is just revenge for Tidus saying Inigo dropped on him-- though that's.. actually not far from the truth...

But it's just not the way he'd prefer to put it, thanks!

Inigo lets go of their hands.

"Are you really that worried we wouldn't want to eat what you make?"

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