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[ A lot.

Isn't that always the answer to that question when it comes to Inigo? Always a lot. Always too much. ]

I mean.. If Bucky-- no, Soldat is happy anyway.. then that's good. [ That should be all there is to it. And yet Inigo's heart still aches with a selfish feeling he can't quite get rid of, no matter what he tries. It's audible too in the end of his statement, the way it sounds like there's more, but he needs a moment to figure out how to put it into words. ]

But there are no memories left of me. And it's--.. [ Inigo shifts uncomfortably. ] We were so close. He was like a big brother to me. He was the first person to really try to bond with me here, back when I felt incredibly lonely. And now all that is just.. gone.

[ Reaching out, he puts a hand on Inigo's shoulder. Lucky to find it the first time. ]

It isn't gone. Bucky isn't here now, sure, but- but all that still happened. He was still a big brother to you, he cared for you.

[ There was a Bucky Barnes who cared for Inigo, a Bucky Barnes that Inigo cared for. ]

This Bucky, he just... he isn't the same guy. But I'm sorry. [ He rubs his thumb on that shoulder it sits on. ]

It can't be easy, seeing his face.

It's not the first time for me.

[ Mumbling, it's almost as if Inigo shrinks a little under Tidus's grasp on his shoulder - though it's more likely that he's just further burying himself into the blanket, like it's a protective shell from this whole dumb situation. From everything.

And yet his shoulder doesn't move away from Tidus's hand in the slightest. ]

When I went back to the past back home, obviously my younger parents didn't recognize me either. They had no idea who I was. [ Since he hadn't even been born yet. So he's used to it - people so important to him not sharing a single one of the important memories he has with them.

It doesn't make it any easier though, especially not for an affectionate and sentimental boy like Inigo. ] .. but I chose for that. I willingly went to the past, knowing that'd happen. Here, it just.. It just happens.

Edited 2021-01-06 15:14 (UTC)

[ The hand eventually falls, but not until Inigo's done speaking. Not until a few seconds after that, Tidus wondering on what he's said. Meeting his parents not yet his parents, a man who became like an older brother from another world. ]

Is it the same? Meeting your parents that way, and... the people here? With Bucky?

[ He hums, like he's thinking. ]

It's different in some ways. There was a long time between when I last saw my mother in my own time and when I saw her again in the past, after all. [ Years and years, that had only felt longer by the endless fighting every day. Compared to that, it's only been.. what, a month since he last saw Bucky? ] But there's.. a similar kind of hurt, I think..

[ His voice trails off, and for a moment he's quiet, until he softly speaks up again. It's little more than a whisper. ]

.. Is that why you wanted me to remember you?

Well... I never thought about another me ever showing up.

[ Should he be voicing it like a joke? Though he does so awkwardly, since this has always been a possibility he's never liked to think about. Another him. ... a bunch of other hims. It's weird! It's creepy! ]

I just like the idea of being remembered, you know? But, uh... I did meet a girl who said she knew me growing up.

... and I guess there's the stuff with Lightning, now that I think about it...

[ uggghhh this is getting into weird territory now that he has to think about it with himself! ]

.. a girl who said she knew you growing up?

[ Look, all of this information is pretty weird to begin with, but that's the part that particularly stands out to Inigo - even with whatever exactly may be happening between Lightning and Tidus, apparently. ]

That kind of sounds like she was hitting on you. [ He lightly jokes. Just! Lightly jokes! Bro, please don't throw him out of the bed, he's just trying to keep himself from feeling sad enough to cry.

.. though he's still sad enough to not be able to keep the joke up for too long, instead continuing more seriously. ]

It's strange though, that something like that has happened multiple times to you before.. You don't think there's anything wrong with you, do you? [ There's definitely genuine concern sneaking into his voice as he says that. ]

[ The initial remark gets a scoff that's jovial at least in sound, the 'She was cute' he could joke about not reaching further than Tidus's throat.

But the last of what Inigo says is different, getting a light nudge with his feet. ]

Hey. What gives? You got something to tell me? [ Something you wanna start, bro?? Fortunately for him- ]

Nahh, it's nothing like that. I mean, the stuff with Light... I figured it was just time stuff, you know? It made sense, since me and Yuna... [ Well. ] And then Senku and Gen found out we probably don't all know each other. The same us. But...

[ He shifts a little on his side. Nowhere to move, but just a small adjustment of his shoulders. ]

It's a lot. But you know, there's still a Bucky out there that knows you. There'll always be a me that knew you too. This time we had, it still exists. It still happened. Nothing changes that.

[ HE WASN'T JOKING WITH THAT ONE. FOR ONCE.

But since Tidus doesn't seem too concerned about it, Inigo tries - as well as he can - to try and release the concern that thought brought to him as well. He wouldn't want to be fussy for nothing, after all. ]

It is a lot.

[ That's the first thing he can agree with though. Mumbled, not quite grumpy as much as it's just pouty. It feels like too much to deal with. ]

And I'm.. I'm really bad at that. Trying to just be happy with the memories I have. [ Not that they aren't nice, but--

It's almost as if he seems to shrink in on himself a little. ] I know it's since I'm a needy guy, but.. I need that affection in the present too.

[ He hums some, just a little. In agreement, but thoughtful too. ]

It's not wrong, wanting people around. But- you still have people here. You're not alone, are you?

[ Right? It's a gentle reminder, or so is meant to be the purpose of his words, but Tidus wonders if it's just about wanting that affection anyway. He doesn't want to sound dismissive or inconsiderate how difficult this is for Inigo. But is it one of those hurdles of their different points of view?

He takes his hand back out, into the space between them; nudging against Inigo's body, or maybe an arm still on the bed. ]

But it's okay if it hurts right now. You don't got to be a hundred percent right away. Remember?

[ The answer is only a small sound.

One that doesn't really mean anything. Because there are a lot of things Inigo could say, but he feels like he doesn't really want to say them. He could say he knows he's not alone, but that it still hurts. That he's still afraid he'll lose everyone else he knows too, perhaps have them replaced as well by versions of themselves who never knew him. He could say that he's pretty sure he hasn't felt a hunderd percent in a long time now. But that feels so pathetic, no matter how true it is.

So instead there's just the sound. And Inigo seeming to further try and shrink into the blanket. ]

.. Can I hug you? [ It's the only thing he ends up asking instead, his voice tiny. ]

[ There's not a lot Tidus could have offered, even in his offers to grant Inigo the opportunity to talk about it. How he was feeling - giving a release to that sadness, despite it never feeling so great to begin with. Despite it never freeing one from their hurt. Or maybe he's just never been great at finding the right things to say. Tidus remembers the last time they were like this, talking about their hurt, about loss and dealing with it.

Inigo's said that he always knows just what Inigo needs, but it's never been true. They're all just trying, struggling to be there for one another, despite their own problems.

And maybe he should've known to offer a hug before this, but when Inigo asks- ]

C'mere.

[ He raises up the blanket, showing the room available, and so Inigo doesn't need to fuss with it getting in the way. Letting the guy come to him and settle in. ]

[ More than glad for the lack of rejection - then again, could Tidus really have rejected it when Inigo looks this desperate for it? - Inigo wastes no time in settling in. It's not like there's much space them to begin with, so it's covered in no time when Inigo just scoots the slightest bit over until his body is right next to Tidus's own.

He reaches out, arms wrapping around the other, clinging tight. His head finding a spot in the crook of Tidus's neck to bury into.

Nevermind a hug. With the way they're lying in bed right now, it's definitely a full on cuddle, Inigo practically clinging onto Tidus like a koala now he's given the chance to do so. ]

I'm glad we're in the same room now.. [ He mumbles, pretty much against Tidus's skin at this point.

It's true though. Because it means he can just do this, instead of staying in his own room and worrying about it by himself in bed, potentially crying himself to sleep. ]

[ They're really different, aren't they. It's what Tidus finds himself thinking as Inigo fits himself against his body, his upper arm having nowhere to go now but over Inigo's shoulder to rest. The kind of world that Inigo comes from, of endless fighting, and this is all he wants most of all.

His hand wonders if to move and stroke his hair, but it keeps where it is.

Will Inigo find his happiness one day? ]

You shoulda gone and done this with Taiki sooner, [ he teases, ever so lightly. ] Or were you shy about Saku being in the room?

[ No, that's definitely the tease. ]

Shut up...

[ It's nothing but the whiniest whine though. (And even then, it's a very quiet one by Inigo standards.) Just him feeling embarrassed in the face of that tease, even as he's completely tangled up with Tidus like this. ]

I know it may not seem like it now, but I never thought I could ask for this. [ Even here on the train at first. Even still back when Taiki first arrived. Back when Tidus first arrived. It hasn't even been that long, relatively speaking. ] This.. This didn't feel like what I was supposed to be.

[ Because it means admitting to weakness - admitting that you, too, need comfort sometimes. That things can be too much for you. How was he supposed to do that in that hellscape? ]

So can you blame me for indulging now I know it really does make me feel better..?

[ At least Inigo has the energy and mind to whine, in a good kind of way. There's good kinds of whines, see. It gets a tiny smile on Tidus's face to hear, pleased. ]

Who says I'm blaming? I'm saying you should do it more. [ And a lot sooner, but he'll concede on the not knowing part. Though, it is sorta difficult to believe, considering how often Inigo has always wanted this kind of physical contact. ]

If it makes you happy... Do you think Taiki likes it too? [ He sorta assumed, but now that he's thinking about it. ]

I'm not trying to get rid of you - [ because he knows where Inigo's ind will go! ] - but you both can do with more hugs. If that's what you want.

[ Taiki definitely can. That guy can do with whatever makes him happy, even if he doesn't think so or won't go after it. ]

[ Tidus's ability to suddenly match Inigo's anxious mind in speed is amazing. Because it's perfectly anticipated, knocking the worry that pokes its head up in Inigo's head away the moment it shows up. ]

You say that as if I'm not already holding Taiki's hand and hugging him all the time. [ A mumbled fact, but an objective fact. Do Inigo and Taiki ever interact without at least one hug being involved? It's impossible.

But Inigo knows that Tidus probably isn't just talking about that, so he does continue after a moment - while trying to relax a bit against the other. It's hard when he's still so tense with all of today's feelings. ]

But doing something like this with him.. I don't know. It feels odd since he has lord Gyousou, you know? Enough though it's not like they're.. [ A sentence he's not finishing, but the implication of 'super heavily and exclusively in love' is there. It's just too weird to think about or say out loud when that's definitely not the kind of bond those two share, okay! ] It'd feel like I'm intruding on something. Especially since they sleep in the same room.

Mmm, I guess. [ He doesn't necessarily disagree about what Inigo's saying. It'd been a joke before, but Inigo being in the same room with Saku after his admitting how interacting with the man - or the king - can be for him. ]

But I don't think they'd mind if you asked. Even if it was once in a while - just something now and then. [ A treat. But Tidus is trying to be careful, not to push - after all, in the end: ] But it's just an idea, since you're both... well, you're both pretty affectionate.

No reason you should miss out, [ he points out fondly, with a little louder energy from their low talking. Missing out, just because they're shy. And that whole feeling undeserving of it and all. But as long as Tidus can plant the idea there - it might be able to grow. ]

I don't know.. Maybe I'll ask him about it sometime..

[ That doesn't sound too confident just yet. Though - maybe this is the best that can be expected from Inigo, as shy and insecure as he can be at times. Just him acknowledging the idea and considering it is already a big step, since he could have dismissed it just as easily.

But with the two of them so close together as they are right now, it'd be really hard to miss just how sincere Tidus is about the suggestion. Inigo couldn't just carelessly throw it away then.

Even if the idea of asking for Gyousou approval for cuddles with Taiki is just. A lot. ]

.. were you just saying it because you want Taiki to get more hugs, or.. [ Tidus did say it's not because he's trying to get rid of Inigo, but.. there could be other reasons! Or maybe he's just trying to be polite about rejecting Inigo being a clingy mess!

Better to be safe than sorry. ]

[ That's as best as can be expected. They've been here before, at this stalemate; where Inigo isn't ready, and Tidus has to respect that. And is it fair even, to make it an Inigo thing? Just as long as Inigo doesn't think it's anything more, and start to feel bad about it.

...which, speaking of. ]

I'm saying it, [ Tidus starts, his voice a light scold too softened by amusement to be sincere; like the adult who's caught the kid worked up to tears over nothing, ] because you're both two guys who take comfort in it and enjoy it, but I know Taiki won't make a first move - or even think about it.

[ Would he? Taiki's so reserved... Tidus doubts it. ]

If you're down, you can come to me. [ Because he knows that's what the question is here; that's what he has to reassure, shifting his arm to let him gently pat Inigo on the back. ] But you said you never did this before with other people, so I thought I'd put it out there.

[ Ha- ] The worst he can do is say no. And then sit around and hang out with you every other time.

[ Really, that simple reassurance is enough in this situation. Just something Inigo had to fully hear in order to be able to make himself believe it. A bit of the tension is released from his shoulders, right around the moment Tidus pats him on the back.

Besides-- 'so I thought I'd put it out there.' It's Tidus kind of looking out for him, in his own way. He often does that, huh. ]

Taiki wouldn't say no. [ Inigo knows that. Pretty much for sure, despite not having asked. It's just his knowledge about the other after having known him for so long that tells him it. ] .. If anything, I'd be more worried about him saying yes even if he didn't want it. You know Taiki can be way too much of a people pleaser.

[ Which isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's just since he's kind - but that kindness could turn around on him if someone took advantage of it. ]

He just wants to make his friends happy, no matter what.

You think he'd know if he wanted it anyway?

[ Tidus isn't sure - but when it comes to affection, he couldn't say for certain what a guy like Taiki might like, not like Inigo. He has more room and personal experience; they're a different kind of friendship. All Tidus knows, is that Taiki doesn't go out of his way to ask for it, but he's usually ready to offer it. Always for someone else's benefit before his own.

But when it came to Taiki himself, and what he actually wants? Tidus doesn't want to speak out loud too much about their mutual friend, other than... ]

You don't know what you like or want you want until you try it. So... he just needs a hand to. And someone who won't take advantage him - and I know you won't, [ he says, despite it really being pointless to voice. ]

He's just a guy who deserves a lot more than he'll ever believe. But he's never gonna aim for anything personal without help.

[ Not with how worthless he's been made to feel his entire life. ]

[ Inigo presses his lips together, quietly thinking for a moment about those words. ]

I think.. Taiki does know what he wants. Maybe not always, but.. [ He has been deprived of a lot during his life, after all, so Inigo can imagine there's cases where he might not know. As to whether cuddling falls on the knowing or not knowing side of what Taiki may want.. that Inigo can't say for sure, though. ]

He expressed some things before to me that he wanted to do. [ Inigo shifts a little as he talks. ] Mostly with lord Gyousou. But he seemed too worried about it to ask.. Too worried about what lord Gyousou may think of him. So I've helped him ask.

[ With Taiki's permission though, of course!! Inigo isn't just going behind his back for that. ]

He never told me anything that he was too worried to ask you about though.

[ So would it apply to them too? Would Taiki want anything from them that he just doesn't dare to ask them for? ]

Me and Gyousou are pretty different on the worry scale for Taiki.

[ There's a pinch of humour, but it's more reassuring that Tidus's thoughts on the situation aren't turning inward and paranoid. And though there's a fancy of the idea of asking what this thing between Taiki and Saku was about, it doesn't settle. What's it got to do with him? Nothing. ]

Has he ever asked you for anything? Sit with him, keep him company?

[ Anything personal, intimate? ]

I don't know, I was pretty worried about asking you for this. [ Grumble, grumble. Though it seems to be much more of an embarrassed and shy grumble than an annoyed one. It's just hard to ask people for cuddles, no matter how much he wants them, okay. And with Tidus there's the added layer of the other guy not being used to them, so it makes him feel even weirder.

So maybe the two of you are on the same worry scale here with Inigo! ]

But with Taiki.. He has asked me to sit with him before. Although I'm not sure if he was just doing that to keep me from running off by myself.

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