flatteries | ic ✗ inbox

It's not too weird--! [ Inigo starts, without missing even a beat after Tidus stops speaking. There's something desperate about his tone, like he really wants to convey this. Even his body turns right along, twisting to the side, both hands leaning on the ground underneath them to support his body.

Because he can feel panic setting in all over again, still as sensitive as he is in this moment, as he's been ever since the end of the mission, only growing stronger with the joke-turned-serious-offer from a few moments ago. Did he make things worse somehow by saying they can do it some other time? Did he make Tidus feel awkward, even as the other tries to smile?

Why is that everything he does is just wrong? It's like no matter what option he picks at any given moment, it always leads to the worst possible outcome. A trail of failures and hurt feelings. ]

I just.. I can't do it all casual like this! Between talk of other stuff, like it's nothing, I..

[ I'm too much of a big dumb emotional idiot for that, but how does one even word that? ]

.. you're important to me. [ That's the closest he can get without admitting to the line he can't cross, no matter what. ] You know? We're best friends. So I don't want to just.. treat this like it's nothing.

[ His mouth clamps shut the instance that Inigo speaks. Maybe due to the severity of it, the plead in it to be understood. Walking straight into the mess he was hoping to avoid, to not hurt Inigo's feelings, but, congratulations, Tidus--

It's like he doesn't know how to speak. Or is the problem that he doesn't understand? One or the other, or maybe both. But he doesn't know how else to be but the explanations in his throats, the protests, the reassurances. It bubbles a frustration in him, one that's confused. Is that what Inigo thinks? Is that how he's making this sound? ]

It's not nothing! I... [ What am I even arguing? What am I trying to explain? ] I wasn't trying to ignore it, I just... I didn't want to make too big of a deal. Overthink it. You know? We had the whole night - I didn't wanna rush into it just 'cause we agreed to it.

[ His gaze flits, lost, searching for something more than what he can give.

But all he can find is to offer, helplessly: ]

I wasn't trying to act like I didn't care.

[ Look at Tidus, making a genuine effort to not overthink it. Not considering the fact that Inigo overthinks absolutely everything in life. Even the little things, so you can imagine what it does with bigger things like this.

This. This is what it does. Him overthinking things until they turn into huge incredibly awkward semi-misunderstandings. Where they're both struggling to convey something to the other that the other perhaps can't fully understand. ]

.. but it is a big deal.

[ He knows that Tidus doesn't necessarily mean that it isn't, not in that sort of way, anyway. That's not why Inigo is saying it. He's just saying it since it's the easiest way to try and explain his weird, tangled up emotions. His fussiness about all of this.

At least he quiets down a little, but maybe it's since this explanation is a bit more somber than everything before. ]

I never even did that with Yuki.

[ And he loved that boy. So much. He was engaged to him, even. But with how Yuki was, it never happened.

So to do it now with Tidus, even as friends (and even that is kind of contested by the tangle in Inigo's heart).. it is a big deal. It's a lot. So Inigo gets fussy. So Inigo overthinks, feels worried, feels ashamed. Even now. ]

[ He's doing his best to listen. What Inigo's saying now doesn't match with what he agreed to before, going along with this before Tidus brought up about waiting -- but, it doesn't need to. If Inigo changed his mind, then that's alright, isn't it? He wasn't ready, he doesn't want this.

It's better after all, that he asked to wait. ]

Then - we don't need to do it. [ He offers it reassuringly, somewhat confidently. Sitting with a slight slouch, arms resting in his lap and his head tilted to face Inigo. ] If that's something you want to do with someone special, I get it. I know we-- we're close, yeah, and I care about you a lot. But sleeping with me and sleeping with a boyfriend is...

[ He lets out a puff of a laugh, an awkward smile that's not entirely mirthless. Yeah, big difference there. And isn't Inigo right, in the end? When he thinks about it, being with someone. All of this they've been doing it: wasn't it just some fun? A fun they agreed to. A way to feel less alone.

And maybe because Tidus knows he won't get anything else, once he leaves the train. He'll never have the chance. ]

Sorry. [ His voice is tinged lightly with the earlier humour, if further subdued. The more he thinks about it, the more he realises the position he put Inigo in. ] I should've thought about what it meant to you.

[ What else more can he say? How can he put his relationship over the one Inigo had with Yuki, the guy he was engaged with? That it'll be alright, if he didn't ever even get together with his own guy? Tidus can't. He doesn't want to cross that line. ]

[ It's like he's falling right off the tightrope he was trying to navigate the moment he hears Tidus say these words, realising that he seriously screwed up here. That he did explain himself, but that there's just enough of a gap between what he knows and what Tidus doesn't know what made the words come across all wrong to the other.

And it's ironic too. If that's something you want to do with someone special, Tidus says, and he's right. He's so right.

But Tidus is the special person Inigo wants to do it with.

And he can't say that. Even though it'd be the one thing clearing Tidus of all guilt he's unnecessarily taking upon himself, Inigo just can't say it. Not even out of cowardice, out of fear of losing their friendship-- no, he just.. isn't allowed to. Not when Tidus had Yuna. Probably still has Yuna in his heart, even now. When the two of them seemed like soulmates, when she's the entire world to his friend.

Inigo can't come between that. He won't allow himself. Besides, he knows he couldn't even if he tried.

His throat feels so dry as his mind races at a thousand panicked thoughts an hour, trying to find some way to at least keep Tidus from feeling awkward because of this, even though Inigo will feel like a douche regardless. ]

Tidus, you're fine.

[ There's still that desperate edge to his words, because he wants to convey this to the other so badly. Tidus didn't do anything. He's fine. Nothing is his fault. ]

It's not.. [ .. like that, you're misunderstanding. ] You didn't hurt me.

[ I'm the one hurting you. ]

There's nothing to say sorry for.

Yeah, but...

[ He gets it, he knows; they're both threatening to go in a circle here of reassuring the other, not wanting to make things weirder than they are. It means holding his tongue, the apologies he wants to give more, his own protests meant to be kind.

It's a rejection -- a kinda funny one, a situation he never thought he'd been in, but. He's a big boy. He can handle it. They're still friends, and that's what's important.

Tidus chuckles a little again, quietly; and guides himself to fall onto his back, eyes closing, lungs taking in a deep breath. His hands coming over his stomach, fingers lacing together. ]

We can star gaze. [ Star gazing- he looks just to check, to see what's up there, and ah- ] Oh, look- there's some out now.

[ But that sounds a little too much like talking about the sky before, doesn't it? Moving too fast. So Tidus turns his head and gaze to Inigo, pulling a smile onto his face. ]

It's fine. We're both fine.

[ Are they really fine?

Inigo can't help but worry about what he made Tidus feel right now, about what kind of weird impression he gave off to the other because of his waffling, a kind of waffling that's absolutely impossible to understand without a few key pieces of information that Inigo can't give up. There's a nervous tension at the end of his fingertips as he glances over at the other, even though Inigo is trying really hard to keep himself from looking sad in this moment.

And while he manages that, he can't quite keep the look he gives Tidus from being awkward instead. ]

.. yeah. [ He says, as if he still isn't wondering it himself, even to this moment. Are they fine?

Slowly Inigo lets himself drop on his back too, half-hoping the ground may mysteriously swallow him right up. It'd be kinder, more merciful. ]

The stars came pretty early tonight. [ Or maybe they always do here, when there isn't some near-world-ending event going on that takes up their attention. ]

Edited 2021-04-13 11:43 (UTC)

They do sometimes, don't they? Or--elsewhere. On other planets. [ His, he should say, but his mouth doesn't go that way, and he doesn't bother to keep going on after all that. Whatever the reason, it happened, like catching the moon out when the skies were still blue, but still too early to find anything else that belonged to the night.

It didn't matter to Tidus, but he was sure going to talk about it now, every little random tidbit to make a conversation. Remembering right then: ] I heard they use the stars to help them travel by boat back in Spira. Let them know which way they're going. There's patterns, since the stars don't actually change where they are.

[ A scoff. ] But it always looked the same to me. 'Cept for one star - you'd know the one, 'cause it's the brightest. We called it the Blitz Star. You see a bright one up there now?

[ Or was it too early for that? ]

[ Were this a less awkward mood, Inigo may have made a joke about how of course even the stars in the sky are named after blitzball there.

But it doesn't feel right to do it, not with the feelings that still sit uneasy in his heart. So he lets the words drift out of his mind without being said, instead observing the stars. Does he see a bright one? ]

.. that one over there is kind of bright. [ He says, softer than usually, as he slightly raises a hand to point at it. ] But.. that one too. And that one.

[ After pointing out a few more, he lets the arm drop, lifelessly, and lets it rest on his chest. ]

This world has a lot of bright stars. I guess you usually don't notice that.

[ Because they're always so busy doing other stuff. Fighting. Working.

Having awkward misunderstandings. ]

[ Tidus follows where Inigo points as best he can, though, admittedly... he could be pointing to any of the stars, from Tidus's perspective. Did that one over there look brighter than the others? Or does Inigo mean that twinkling one? Wait, was that one twinkling more than the others, or was it his imagination?

But he figures it doesn't have to matter too much, not as much as just talking, trying to find their place again. Not focusing on anything that came before.

He hums in agreement to the last of what Inigo says, even though- ]

The sky was the only interesting thing to look at when we did those patrols. [ Well, the one night patrol... ] But, I'm not really a night guy...

[ He falls quiet, knowing he doesn't have much better to say, kicking his legs as his brain thinks, letting out a sigh that turns into a short groan. ]

Ugh, you know what would be great? If we could go into a town, like the one in Irivar! We could have some fun there.

[ Tidus turns his head to look at Inigo. Right? Right?? ]

Irivar was fun.

[ Usually Inigo would be helping here more. And even now.. he's trying. He really is. But it's a difficult kind of awkward to come back from, as much as he wants to. He just wants them to mess around and have fun, but as always, it's hard for his own negative thoughts to leave him alone, even now.

He tries to banish them to the back of his mind though. So he can sound a bit more enthusiastic, instead of giving such calm responses, as if he's uninterested.

He's not uninterested, really, but--

He keeps looking at the sky, rather than at Tidus. Maybe he can manage as long as he doesn't look at him. ]

But the people here don't have anything to sell the way they did back in Irivar, huh. The marketplace was the best part about it..

--Why don't we bring Irivar to us?

[ It's like a lightbulb going off in his head, and Tidus even picks himself up off his back and onto his butt, an excited expression giddy on his face. He moves out a hand, and a bag appears, one of the smaller ones taken from the luggage car that he needs to sit up and rifle through.

But out comes a bottle, and with it a grin, whether or not there's a face to immediately witness it. ]

Meeead? [ He tries to offer temptingly. ] Or we've got ice cream-!

[ They'll run out, one day. ]

[ This is one of those moments where Inigo feels that it'd be great if his head didn't constantly overload with thoughts and worries. Is he doing too much here, too little? Is he making Tidus feel like he has to overcompensate with these smiles and excitement, or are the emotions coming from him genuine? Usually he'd assume the latter with Tidus, but considering their awkward conversation only a moment ago--

Does he address it? Does he ignore it? Which is worse? As long as he doesn't pick one, both feel awful, but the moment he'll pick one, it will feel extra awful and turn out to be the worst possible choice, he feels.

His heart is beating a thousand beats a second in his chest as he finally turns his head to look at Tidus, trying really hard to hold back the instinctive 'are you sure you want to do this?' before he actually asks it.

Instead he holds out his hand, taking a hold of the bottle if he can while sitting up. ]

Sure, let's drink. [ If only the mead was strong enough to make them forget their dumb awkward moment just now.

Maybe they can pretend, even if the anxiety in Inigo's chest doesn't agree. He pretends it isn't there and smiles. ] If you think you can handle it, that is.

[ He laughs conspiratorially-like, passing over the bottle and gets into a cross-legged state facing Inigo, a hopeful jitter to Tidus's shoulders that he's picked the right direction. The bag is sent back to the nowhere it came from. ]

Can you even get drunk off that stuff? [ Tidus is here for a challenge - even if that challenge is alcohol - but he has to wonder. Though, it does always have that old sharp taste after the sweetness... Still! ] How much did you used to drink back home anyway?

[ Did Inigo have time for that? Tidus never imagines him having much time for anything that isn't fighting - which, he isn't sure how far that is. ]

More than you.

[ Definitely not as much as he's pretending to.

After all, there was no alcohol left in the future - and even though he's had some ever since returning to the past, there was still plenty of fighting there that didn't exactly leave a whole lot of time to sit down and drink. It's not really something you can afford to do when you often have to make sure to be prepared for battle at any given time.

But that feels so depressing. This answer feels better, especially when he can't afford to let the conversation take another tumble into anything sad or negative.

Inigo opens the bottle up and raises it to his lips, taking a chug out of it before handing it back to Tidus. Look, why bother with glasses or anything when you could be ~~indirectly kissing your bro~~ just sharing a drink underneath the stars? ]

Enough to have a taste for it.

[ Please, as if Tidus has a glass.

There's a cocked brow, amused yet curious; not exactly wondering how true Inigo's statement is against his own drinking history, but what that means for Inigo's in general. But, not too deeply.

He takes the bottle as it's passed, humming shortly after Inigo speaks. All Tidus remembers about the drink is that it's sweet; a little too sweet for him, but fine for times like this. Times of enjoying another's company - and that company usually being Inigo.

His head tilts back and lets the alcohol go down, grimacing around the bottle, but not too much. It's sweeter than Tidus remembers, but he was prepared, taking enough of a chug to bring his chin back down with a sigh.

He wipes his mouth on the back of his hand. ]

Tastes like candy. [ Perfect for Inigo. ]

What's next after this? [ Heh- ] We gonna try some drugs?

[ That's what all guys hanging out and drinking do, right. ]

[ It's true that the drink is perfect for Inigo. He can taste its sweetness even as he watches Tidus drink, even as it has already mostly gone down his own throat, no longer in his mouth, ready to be enjoyed.

It makes him long for it again enough to hold his hand out. Please bro, he wants another chug. It's so good. Maybe the sweetness can help him get rid of the tight awkward knot in his stomach.

But while he's reaching out, grabby hands and all, he blinks at Tidus. ]

... Drugs?

[ Please, Tidus, you expect him to understand that joke? ]

[ Wow bro, just take it! Inigo doesn't need to long for it for too long, Tidus handing it over as soon as Inigo shows an interest; but his brows raising, along with the edges of his mouth, at Inigo's confusion.

Oh. ]

You didn't have any of that back home? [ Really? Actually, better question: How does he explain this? Tidus laughs a little, realising the situation he's gotten himself in. But maybe there's some word confusion here, that he's not making himself clear, and Tidus rolls a hand as he thinks. ]

You know, like... stuff that you take that makes you feel good! Or just plain ol' funny. [ What a seller. But Tidus is grinning at his own description, not unaware of how unhelpful it must sound. ] There's all kinds you can get! I've only had some once, in food, but...

[ And what was his experience with it? But right now, he doesn't even care, shrugging as he figures, without thinking for long: ]

I'll get us some, if you're curious.

[ Inigo finally has the desired bottle in his hands once more, but just as he's raising the bottle to take another gulp from it, he realises he's actually way too invested in what Tidus is trying to explain to him here, and can't really focus on the drink.

Mostly since his description is so weird. Inigo is trying to understand it, but it's as if there's a crucial piece of information he's still missing. His brain really is trying though. It's a lot to try and imagine what this 'drugs' thing is after going through a straight up emotional rollercoaster. ]

You mean.. like sugar?

[ That makes him feel good.

And there's all sorts of food with sugar in it.

Inigo has no idea how accurate this comparison is, but it's what it sounds like to him. In which case.. sure, he'd love to try it! Sugar is great. ]

No nononono, [ he hurries to interrupt with a laugh in his throat. ] Think about - alcohol. You know, how alcohol in drinks makes you feel funny? That kind of funny. But everything's different, it depends on what you take.

[ Not that Tidus is Mister Drugs over here, but anyone from Zanarkand knows that! So many drugs, and so few Tidus was ever willing to take. No smoking for these pro lungs!

He clicks his fingers though, pointing at Inigo as a lightbulb goes off in his head. ]

Aha! Remember how that liquid-y sweet thing from Jema'grethy made you feel all relaxed? Drugs are like that - recreational drugs.

...

Uh-huh.

[ Inigo looks entirely unconvinced. But it's just that every comparison Tidus is making just makes the mental image more murky for Inigo, since he has no idea what the other is talking about to begin with. It's a little bit like sugar, but with the effects of alcohol? But at the same time it's like the vulcano syrup?

That's a lot of things to try to combine in his head, especially when Inigo is working with so very few braincells to begin with. ]

I think I'm going to have to see this first. [ Before he fully believes it. What if this is yet another cruel Tidus trick! ] .. you're not just making a joke, right?

I'll buy some, [ he concedes, reassures, whichever of the two. ] But if I do, you've gotta try it. Okay?

[ It's no surprise why Inigo might be wary of Tidus, wearing a grin big on his face; thinking about introducing this to Inigo, how he'll react. How will he react? It's been forever since that one time... but why not just be young and dumb?

Oh, is this going to a time. ]

We can even share it. With friends. [ A beat, and he tips his head aside. ]

Mmm, I don't know what Taiki would think about it though...

[ Or is he being too cautious about the guy? Probably. ]

Don't give it to Taiki until I've tried it first.

[ Look!! Inigo generally trusts Tidus more with Taiki than he trusts the other guy with Inigo himself, but you never know. And while playing very gentle pranks on Taiki may be fine, they both know their friend is very sensitive. There's no way Inigo is just going to let him have anything before he himself knows what it's like.

And even then they'll have to figure out how it may clash with his kirin nature. Thinking about it, Inigo doesn't think he's ever seen Taiki drink either.. ]

It might break him for all we know. [ And do you want to have that on your hands, Tidus? ]

I wasn't thinking it'd break him, [ that's maybe going a little too far, ] but we can ask him. Maybe he's got something like it back home. You know, some people have it for anxiety or aches or- something like that. I'm pretty sure.

[ Actually, he's not that sure at all, but also is?? Is that right? Whatever, it's safe!! Except- ]

You just don't want to take too much. But like you wouldn't alcohol. So even if you stick some in a full plate of cookies, you can't eat the whole plate. [ And maybe he's grinning suggestively at Inigo. maaaybe. ]

But we can share some with Senku and Gen and Roland, if they want some!

[ Inigo is also very unsure. After all, Taiki doesn't eat meat, and he can't go near battles.. And while this is different - sounds different? - Inigo knows some people on the train get real weird about drinking, so maybe that's also something that tiptoes the line for Taiki..

Well, Inigo guesses asking their friend can't hurt him, at least, so he won't protest that part. ]

.. do you think they'd like some?

[ No, wait, more importantly-- ]

Do you think they know what that stuff is?

ic ✗ inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

cw: drug talk i guess, next we need rock 'n' roll

i can't believe you brought up drugs on 4/20 blaze it

eat weed erryday

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)

(no subject)