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Stop worrying about it!

[ Like that's a startlingly revelation of an idea Inigo has never had, but what else is there to say, to suggest? Hugs are Inigo's thing, but for Tidus, moving off from the side of the sink, keeping himself facing the other guy- ]

You don't need to make up for anything! I don't care, so why should you? If you really need to do something for me...!

[ ...Ah, now he has to think. He idles about on his feet, thinking. ]

You can... [ ah! ] Buy me a book! You wanna know what Roland likes?

[ You think he would have been worrying ever since the freaking last mission if it was that easy to stop, punk?!

But Inigo knows he's right though. He just needs to stop worrying about it when Tidus is telling him it's okay, but it's.. so hard to stop being so hard on himself. Instead Inigo just lets out a very deep sigh, rubbing the sides of his head as if he can somehow massage the worry and embarrassment out of there that way.

It's not really working. ]

A book? [ He at least does reply, though his usual cheery tone is nowhere to be found. ] Wait, what does buying you a book have to do with Roland?

'Cause I got no points! [ He folds his arms, matching close to the same tone as Inigo. ] Plus, there's something going on between you two... but anyway, he'll know I had something to do with it. He likes a sport they call rugby.

[ Is he simply going to throw out a suspicious line and tone like that at Inigo and give it no more place in his explanation? You bet he is! ]

You can say it's from the both of us. Take a read of it first if you wanna. He used to watch it back in his world. You can bond.

[ It's okay Tidus, you can tell him you touched booties with Roland. He won't judge.

Though honestly, it doesn't seem that suspicious to Inigo. Tidus likes sports. They even played sports! So Tidus and Roland probably talked about the sports Roland liked? It makes sense to him when he connects it in his head like that, and at least all that thinking is slowly dragging Inigo further away from the worries he was fussing about a moment ago. ]

Alright, I'll buy it. And tell him it's from us both. [ There's a look in his eyes like he's thinking that lasts a moment or two, before he slowly speaks up again. ] .. Do you want to know what's going on between us?

[ Since he felt the need to say he was suspecting something out loud! ]

[ He makes a gesture like a shrug with a hand spreading out, a slight tip of his head. ]

Up to you. You two get along, so it doesn't matter more than that to me. [ Plus... ] Roland's a nice guy. He's someone you can learn stuff from if you wanted to. I figured you were just getting along well with him.

[ Ah. He nods his head. ]

Plus, he's involved with a kingdom now, right? So...that's something you both can connect with.

[ And that's not so bad. ]

[ In any other conversation, Inigo may have ran with the opportunity to tease Tidus, treating to tell Roland the nice things he said about him that don't involve the words 'old man' even once. But this is a little more serious than that, and Inigo rubs the back of his head, thinking. ]

Yes, we've spoken about those sorts of things already. It's.. nice, getting to learn about his point of view on things. The closest I've gotten to discussing those sorts of matters with people is with lord Gyousou.

[ But that's not the important point here, not really what he's thinking about. Surely Roland wouldn't mind if he told Tidus, right? And considering how often the three of them end up hanging out together, it'd be better if Tidus found out now than at some awkward moment. ]

But he and I are.. [ Geez, why does it suddenly feel so hard to put it into words! Surely Tidus won't tease him about it, right? He'll realise Inigo is being serious here? ] I told him a while ago that I.. kind of see him as a fatherly figure. And he said he'd see me as a son while we're here. So..

[ His voice awkwardly trails off, and he - obviously embarrassed - makes a vague hand gesture. ]

That's what's been going on.

[ This could be going anywhere, from Tidus's point of view. The embarrassment, nervousness, whichever it is--it's obvious, but it's also Inigo, so Tidus doesn't take it too seriously. Roland's teaching him something maybe; maybe something...kingly, or whatever like that. Or some other subject. Who knows?

But if Tidus had to take a guess--what comes out of Inigo's mouth wouldn't be it. Evident by the confused, uncertain look on his face. ]

Uhh, so...

[ --Did he hear that wrong? Actually, he had to, right? So Tidus chuckles lightly, pushes an amused smile onto his face. ]

You don't go calling each other pops and son or anything, do you?

[ No way--that's silly. ]

[ Inigo is slowly starting to feel that this conversation, even though it would still be awkward with other people, is upped in difficulty about three levels just by the sheer fact that he's trying to have it with Tidus. ]

I-- No! I.. I wouldn't even use that word!

[ Look, he may have called Roland father once or twice in an emotionally desperate moment, okay? What are you going to do, judge him?! ]

He just.. comforts me. Easily. And he's very supportive, and sweet, and.. [ The more he tries to explain, the more he can feel his cheeks burn up. It sounds dumb, even to his own ears, but it's just true. ] .. it's just what I expected having a regular father to be like.

[ The last words are a little more quiet. More vulnerable. Because Inigo is - at this point - well aware that neither of them ever really had that. A regular father. ]

[ oh so he would use daddy?? Okay no, not the important part here.

Because there's something far more important here, yet--as Inigo speaks, Tidus can't understand. What he's saying, implying. It's so-- it's not what people do, is it? Inigo says they don't call each other son and pops, and yet Inigo just said: I.. kind of see him as a fatherly figure. And he said he'd see me as a son while we're here.

The confusion, the smile, draws off from Tidus; replaced instead by uncertainty. ]

Are you sure... [ He stops. Thinks, or tries. ] You're-- not gonna get hurt, are you? Inigo.

[ Was this okay? But he's never been here, he's never seen this happen before, and a 'proper father figure'--what would he ever know about that? Or ever want someone to come along and play that role.

But Inigo did. ...and was it alright? To indulge? ]

[ Out of all the responses Inigo could have expected, this one wasn't quite at the top of his mind.

It shows too. In the way he peeks over at Tidus, half-surprised, half-cautious, like he's not sure what to think of that response. After the initial surprise, it feels.. kind of sweet? Is Tidus worried about him..?

It leaves Inigo quiet for a moment, his mouth moving but no words flowing out until a few seconds later. ]

.. that's the nature of this place, isn't it? [ His tone is still quiet, but it's a little less embarrassed now. His cheeks are still faintly pink, but his tone is more serious. After all, he's not worried about Roland hurting him. If there's any part clear of Inigo's mental image of the other, it's that Roland would never hurt him. But.. ] You get attached to people, and then they disappear. I'll probably get hurt eventually. It's not like it'd be the first time.

[ Like the image of Yuki leaving that still feels seared onto his eyelids, burned into his heart everytime he thinks he's gotten over it---

He smiles. It's tiny. ]

But even so.. at this point I already regret doing a lot of things. I'd rather not add regrets about not doing things on top of that. Even if it's just for a little while.. I'd like to be happy.

[ And that is something the whole arrangement with Roland sure makes him. That he knows. ]

[ Was this really the same...?

Even if it was temporary, well--they both know what it's like to lose parents. That's an added weight, different; placing that role onto Roland and mimicking that loss... and what if something did happen to the guy? It's not a scenario Tidus wants to really consider, and it isn't that alone which makes him feel off, but... ]

If you're sure, [ is what he says eventually. Brow still drawn in a worried fashion, concerned, not fully behind the idea. He wants to say more, but anything he can say -- I just want you to be okay, I don't want you to get hurt -- is making it sound like Inigo's doing something terrible, repeating what he just said. He doesn't want to not support Inigo... ]

You don't agree, huh.

[ It's so obvious. It's written all over Tidus's face, and it's pretty clear to Inigo that he's not even trying to hide that. Or he's just really, really bad at hiding it.

Not that it stops Inigo from smiling. It's the same sad smile as a few moments ago, but he doesn't drop it, even as he says that, even as he releases a breath. ]

I guess if I don't doubt my own decisions for once, someone else will do it for me. [ Which sucks. Because for once he hadn't hesitated. For once he just went for something that felt so right, without his dumb insecurities and hesitations holding him back like they usually do.

Only to be confronted by them all over again in the form of another person. And it's not like he blames Tidus, he knows the other is probably just worried (it's better than assuming Tidus thinks he's a total weirdo, though that's a possibility too, he guesses), but it still kind of stings. ]

That's not it--

[ It jumps out of his mouth, as defensive as it is guilty, or more so the former. But it wasn't untrue, was it? Still--it didn't feel fair. Tidus takes in a sharp breath, frowning, brow dipping as he looks away. Conflicted. ]

I'm just worried, that's all! If this makes the two of you happy, great! [ He brings his hands together, making a motion like crushing something inwards, fingers shaping it like a ball. Why?? Who knows. ]

But this train-- [ ugh-! ] I don't trust it one bit, and you already-- [ --lost someone important.

But Tidus doesn't want to say that, so he looks away, waving out his hands and sighing loudly. ]

A dad's a... lot! It's not just another person.

Not just another person..?

[ Inigo repeats the words, and slowly his tone changes. It was calm a moment ago - with tons of undertones, sure, but it was still mostly even. But it changes now. There's something near-incredulous about his tone, like he can't process what he's hearing.

He gets what Tidus is trying to say. They both have a complicated relationship with the whole idea of a father, each in their own way, but complicated all the same. It really isn't just another person, but that's-- that's not-- ]

Do you think that's what everyone else here is to me..? Just another person? Do you think you're just another person to me?

[ Inigo takes a step closer towards Tidus and away from the sink, the sponge long forgotten. ]

Tidus, do you have any idea how often I've been lying wide awake in bed here because I'm terrified of people disappearing, just like Yuki? [ His voice raises in volume - thankfully it's just them in the kitchen, but still - and hitches a little as he grows more emotional. It's much too late to shut the dam again, to form any kind of barrier between his mouth and his heart, emotion long taken over. ] Do you know how many times I've woken up from an awful nightmare where this time you left, or Roland, or Taiki, or Gerome, or--

[ His cheeks are red, but rather than embarrassment, it's just plainly him being unable to contain the upset, the outpouring of emotion. His eyes are watery, though no tears fall. ]

Everyone means so much to me! Everyone is important! Who cares if I call them father, or friend, or anything else? I'm still so damn scared every single day that I'll suddenly lose them!

[ He reaches out, his hands latching onto Tidus's hoodie, dragging the other closer towards him. ]

You're 'a lot' to me, Tidus! We're.. I.. Aren't we practically best friends? [ The upset was covering most of the vulnerability in his tone earlier, but now it slips through, clear as day. ] Y.. You can call me an idiot if you wish, but I know I would be devastated if you ever disappeared without us getting to properly say goodbye..!

[ Tidus isn't expecting this reaction. Nothing close to this, not even scratching by it, and so it comes as a surprise. He doesn't have a second to think of where it went wrong, what more he said than the words that Inigo repeats. And-- he didn't mean it like that. Surely Inigo knew he didn't mean it like that? But then he's stepping closer to him, and Tidus doesn't take a step back when he does-

but he does flinch when the hand comes for him, yanks him in, leaving Tidus in wide-eyed disbelief. Stunned, lost; not knowing what to say, his hands held at his sides. ]

I... [ Slowly, pathetically- ] I'm sorry, Inigo...

[ What else was there for him to say? To express? It didn't matter what he meant or thought, and more how upset Inigo was, the tears trailing down his cheeks. He came all this way to cheer him up, and here he was, doing the utter and complete opposite.

Tidus doesn't move back or away. He stands in place, just a pitiful look on his face. ]

[ It would have been a lot easier if Tidus had shouted back at him. Or even if Tidus had made some dumb joke that dismissed everything Inigo said. Getting hurt even after his own outpouring of hurt would be one thing to deal with.

But this look on Tidus's face is too much to bear. It's as if Inigo didn't realise just how much he was throwing all of his worries out there. Everything that he's been cropping up for ages, ever since the first time he had his heart broken when he watched Yuki walk away, not even turning back at him one last time. Maybe this was going to happen at some point or another though. It was an inevitable. Inigo couldn't expect to be able to keep that hurt to him forever.

Except now it came out in the worst possible way.

Inigo's expression shifts to shocked as what he's done slowly dawns upon him, and his grip on Tidus's hoodie gets lighter, though he still doesn't fully let go at first. Instinct dictates he should try to laugh it off. Play it down.

But he can't. Tidus looks so much like a kicked puppy. He can't. ]

No, I'm... I'm sorry.

[ He finally lets go. ]

I shouldn't have raised my voice at you. It's not.. It's not like any of this is your fault.

[ Tidus shakes his head, but it takes a moment for him to speak. There's something he wants to say than to leave it there, to simply brush it away, move on like they could. That inspired feeling from Inigo--he never wanted that, and truthfully, he's reminded that sometimes...he just does this to the guy, without meaning to. Because they're different, 'cause he doesn't take seriously the things Inigo does. ]

I know it's a gamble, getting close to people here. They can just disappear--people who mean a lot to you. I hope they're going home to good places, but... I'd miss them too. I'd miss you especially, Inigo. [ And he looks up at him, though he wasn't particularly avoiding Inigo's eye. Just looking elsewhere as he speaks. ]

I guess I'm the one worrying too much. I know if it was me, I... well. [ He tips his head, pulls a mirthless smile. ] It would be hard to lose a dad twice.

[ That time, he does avoid Inigo's eye. Lets it linger on the tiled flooring in a quiet second or so. Lifts it back up with a quiet sigh. ]

...I told you, before--there was a reason why I didn't want to get with Yuna, right? Back when I told you about Spira and Sin.

[ A conversation he didn't want to have at the time. Asked Inigo to drop it. ]

[ There are so many things he could say. That it's unfair of Tidus to say something like I'd miss you especially when Inigo is already feeling so emotionally vulnerable. Or that it'd be hard for him to lose a dad twice too, but that it feels like if he's already carrying along the pain of Yuki's loss still to the best of his ability, he can bear more on top of that.

But before he can say anything, there's that last thing. And Inigo remembers. They had a handful of conversations like that, right? Much earlier on. When Tidus would talk about something from back home, and Inigo would try to dig a little depeer before being stopped. ]

.. yes. [ So he dips his head into a slight nod. Recognition in his eyes, but the earlier vulnerability leaves a hint of worry. ] Do you.. Are you sure you want to talk about it?

[ He doesn't want to force Tidus just because he feels sorry for what was basically just Inigo upsetting himself, mostly. ]

It's fine. [ It's Inigo--and he doesn't have to reveal the entire story. Just the parts that are relevant, and it isn't as if he hasn't shared some of it already. A small smile given to Inigo, a pause before Tidus can start. ]

I, the thing is... I'm not really from Spira like Yuna. Zanarkand...it's different from the rest of Spira, so...

[ He stops. Needs a second to figure how to continue. ]

...I won't see her again, if either of us leave the train. I can't go back there. [ His hands flex at his sides, head tipping guiltily. ] She told me, she was looking for a way to reach me. It's been two years... and you know, I didn't want her to. I didn't want her to...cling on, when she could be moving on. Find a new guy. I don't remember any of those two years... I got picked up before I left her.

[ He laughs like it's funny. Truthfully, it's just an easier way to frame it. Like it's just time stuff, and nothing else. Being from different times, not being there with her in two years, or ever again. ]

...but I just made a bigger mess of things, saying we shouldn't get together. To be honest, I was scared. I didn't wanna hurt her again. I really hate hurting her.

[ He speaks it softly, vulnerable. A sort of reflection on his voice as he carries on. Admits- ]

I guess I'm being a hypocrite, telling you to be careful. Sometimes...you just need to go for it, right? Live without regrets. Cherish each other, no matter what.

[ He settles his wandering gaze on Inigo then, a more sincere smile pulled on his face. Gentle, soft. ]

No matter what happens, you won't be alone.

[ And he feels the need--or desire--to say that, despite all else. ]

[ Inigo listens. And watches. He watches all those expressions move across Tidus's face. The small smile, the laugh that he isn't so sure is actually filled with humor, the vulnerability in his eyes, the soft smile.

It's a lot to take in. Here Inigo was assuming that, at the very least, if either Tidus or Yuna would disappear from this place, they would meet up again back home sooner or later. That what they had was a lot less risky than what Inigo attempted to have here on the train before. But it seems like even having been in contact before arriving on this place isn't enough to guarantee you a happily ever after back home, huh..?

Inigo can feel his heart sinking into his shoes. He just feels so bad for Tidus. They obviously like each other, so.. why do things have to be so unfair?

He sucks in a breath, and the next moment he leans forward, wrapping his arms around the other guy to pull him into a hug. It's tight, and warm, and there's almost an odd protective edge to it. Inigo knows that maybe this isn't the right thing to do, since hugs are so much more his thing than Tidus's, but it's the best way of comforting someone that he can think of. ]

No.. you're doing your best, Tidus. Even when you're worried, or scared, you still do your best. Even though you know you won't see Yuna again sooner or later.. You're still doing your best.

[ Maybe it's dumb. Now here he is, hugging Tidus, saying all these nice things about him, while he was still raising his voice a few moments ago. Inigo can even feel tears sting in the corners of his eyes, and he can't figure out if they're remainders of his own upset feelings from a few moments ago or if they're new tears out of sympathy for the fate of Tidus's love, doomed to be apart even though it's so obvious how much he likes Yuna.

Then again, the two of them are always like this, aren't they? Always pushing and pulling, always tugging and trying to figure each other out. Trying something out, getting upset, making up.. But in the end, when it comes down to it, they care for each other. They always will care at the right moments, and Inigo knows that, no matter how many times he whines at Tidus or throws an upset fit at the other. ]

And it's really brave of you to put her first and look out for her in your own way, even though it can't be easy.

[ The hug is warm, it's comforting, and Tidus isn't fussed by it in the slightest. It's the way Inigo likes to express himself, and it isn't bizarre, this kind of consolation. He even puts his own hands on Inigo's back, head slightly tilting into his shoulder. Better this than any of the alternatives. Better than to be told, You don't understand.

But then, he wouldn't exactly blame Inigo in that scenario either. Tidus--he struggled with his relationship with his father, not exactly wanting him back, but missing him anyway. Inigo... he wants a father now, is willing to make Roland that old man.

He still isn't sure, but he wants to be there for his friend most of all. ]

Hey, she's more brave than me. She has to put up with some stupid ideas I get. [ Not that she hasn't had funny ideas either...! But he's been the bigger moron, as of late. ]

But I'm saying this because-- I'm not trying to be down on you, you know? I don't want you to think bad about yourself. You're doing your best too, Inigo. I know that. We all are.

[ And something he hadn't plan to say, but maybe more relevant, his mouth pressing into the side of Inigo's shoulder before he lifts it up, sighing. Glad he doesn't really have to look at him for this, and his arms even holding Inigo a little tighter, so he can't exactly break away and think about facing him-- ]

I lost my dad a second time before coming here. I saw him... one last time. And it hurt more than I was willing to admit. [ ... ] And Roland...

He's a really good man.

[ Someone easy to grow close to. Someone dangerous for Inigo to bond so deeply to.

It'll hurt. ]

[ I don't want you to think bad about yourself, Tidus says, and Inigo's first instinctive thought is that it's way too late for that.

That thought is too pathetic though. Too self-indulgent in the worst way possible, and of course he doesn't voice it, instead leaning against Tidus. His hold tightening the tiniest bit when Tidus continue speaking. When he talks about having lost his father a second time. Inigo doesn't bother to question the why or the how, not wanting to dredge up painful memories for Tidus.

Instead he just keeps on holding him, mumbling, like it's meant for no one's ears but theirs: ]

I'm so sorry, Tidus.. You've endured so much.

[ He knows it isn't the main point here. That Tidus probably doesn't want to make it all about himself, but this is just how Inigo works. It's so much easier to address things about someone else, to try and comfort them, than it is to think about his own issues.

But not addressing those at all when Tidus is clearly trying also wouldn't be right, so he continues. ]

But this is.. too late. It's not like I can change the way I feel about him. Just like how I can't change the way I already care for you so much as my friend. [ It doesn't matter if Roland is his father, or Tidus just his friend - when Inigo thinks about it, he doesn't think that the loss of either would actually be all that much lighter than the other. What does a word mean when Inigo's dumb, over the top feelings run this deep for everyone? ]

I just.. [ Now he too is glad that Tidus can't look at his face. ] All my life.. I've just seen people die. I kept losing almost everyone I cared about.. and even when I go home, I'll be all alone again soon after.

[ When he'll have to vanish into the night, off to some other place or just to nowhere, to leave the spot free for the new Inigo.

His head lowers, mumbling into Tidus's shoulder. ]

I just don't want to be alone while I'm here. [ So he latches onto everyone deeply instead, caring way too much. ]

[ There isn't a lot he can do, is there.

Even now, maybe, there was some part of him trying to push. To say that this was going to be a problem, him and Roland playing family, but trying to frame it in the gentlest of ways without making it so negative as to put Inigo on the defensive. To put him in the wrong.

But there's nothing else Tidus can do. There's nothing more he can say. He wants to ask after Inigo's sister, but now doesn't seem the right time. Instead, he wishes he could give some kind of better comfort to Inigo, some lasting comfort that wasn't just hugs or meaningless words.

Except, he doesn't know what that is. This was just the way the world was sometimes. A lot of the times. ]

Inigo...

[ Tidus presses his fingers gently into Inigo's back. ]

Sorry.

[ It was all he had to give. ]

[ As they grow quiet for a moment after Tidus's last 'sorry', Inigo still lingers in the hug. Quietly. Without replying to it. He's just trying to soak up the last hint of comfort from it.

And maybe emotionally preparing and steeling himself, trying to pull his mind back from where it was a moment ago. Maybe he's spilled a little too much here to Tidus, huh, between his upset outburst earlier and his dumb rambling now. He was just trying to apologize for something he felt guilty about, how did they end up here?

When Inigo pulls away from the hug, he's smiling. Like there's not a single worry on his mind. As if everything that got them up to this moment never happened.

Is he aware this is probably going to look dumb? Like too much of a moodswing? Sure, but he can't impose anymore than he already has, so this feels like the best thing to do right now. ]

Hey, why are you saying sorry to me? You've had such a rough time too, with everything with your father, and then that whole thing with Yuna.. [ He's keeping it vague on purpose, despite Tidus having told him at least more details than that - but he doesn't want to drag them back down into heavy talk.

Inigo reaches out, grabbing Tidus's shoulder and squeezing it briefly before pulling his hand back again. ]

You must have a lot on your mind. If you ever think there's anything I can do at all to help regarding your situation with Yuna, just let me know. Or if you need to talk about anything else! I'm here.

[ Tidus knows what that smiles mean, that it's probably the only direction their conversation can go. Or the way to end it, whether or not with the same level of cheer that Inigo gives it. He smiles back nevertheless, smaller, though it does grow a little more. ]

I know, Inigo. You're a good friend. Me and Yuna--we're gonna be okay. We talked about it. We're gonna make the best of our time together.

[ He rubs the back of his head. ]

And I think we talked a lot already just now. [ ... ] But if you ever wanna talk about your father too, or your family, you can too. I know I joked about your sister and the dancing before... [ Eheh. ] But I like getting to know about you. You should tell me more sometime.

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