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imagination, first night of the mission

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[ He can't sleep.

This is a common thing, really. Usually it wouldn't be very surprising that he can't sleep. Inigo is very much used to this. Just lying on his back, staring up, feeling thoughts turn over and over in his mind. Things often are way too loud up there to be able to sleep. Maybe if he's lucky, he'll be able to catch a few hours of sleep at the end of the night - but that's it.

But what is surprising about him being up is what's keeping him up. Something new, different from the usual congaline of anxiety and worries.

He's thinking about that conversation he had with Tidus today. That weird, weird, super wild misunderstanding. It's been buzzing away in his head ever since, and considering he's finally alone now he's in his tent, he finally has time to actually think about it.

And consider a few things. Important things. Things that completely went over his head back during those moments of panic - like Tidus's answer, for one. He must have been so conflicted to have thought about it for literal hours before returning to Inigo with an answer. He must seriously have thought about whether or not he wanted to sleep with Inigo.

And then he came back. And when Inigo really digs into his memories, he remembers what Tidus said. I'm not really ready for that. It's too soon.

That wasn't a no. Even though Tidus likes girls, and Inigo is - very decidedly - not a girl. Which means that if the circumstances had been different, if this misunderstanding had happened at some later point, months into the future.. Tidus might really have been okay with sleeping with him. It was not a no. It was a not yet.

That realisation in particular keeps Inigo up. Because it's unexpected, because he doesn't know what to do with it. In theory Tidus may have been faintly okay with it. With sleeping with him. Tidus. And perhaps the weirdest part is that Inigo doesn't find himself minding that thought.

Maybe it's since he likes guys, he tells himself. And Tidus is a particularly handsome guy. Who wouldn't be flattered by a handsome guy being okay with the thought of sleeping with them? But somehow this feels like it goes beyond that. If not just since Inigo can think of more reasons why he feels okay with it - why the idea even seems kind of appealing. Mostly since.. well, wouldn't it be nice to be that close with Tidus? That intimate? His hands roaming across Tidus's abs, Tidus above him, the two completely connected--

Ah. Wait.

If I'm alright, then you are.

No.

A few stupid moments for all the rest? Sounds like a good trade to me.

Oh no.

Even when it gets hard, I'll keep going! I'll get up, over and over! I'm not going to be stopped here! I won't give up!

No, no.

The most intense memory of all - the market under the sun in Irivar, lips pressed against his own right at the moment when it felt like his heart was about to sink to the lowest low.

Inigo knows what it is. The warmth that fills up his chest, so familiar. He knows what he feels, but-- no. It can't be that. It's not supposed to be that. Because even if Tidus is somehow okay with sleeping with a guy, he likes girls. Because Tidus's heart is already taken up by someone he's separated from forever.

Inigo absolutely can't have a crush on him of all people.

And yet. And yet.

Inigo lies awake, staring at the canvas of the tent above him. ]