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He doesn't know what any of those images were. Maybe in a moment he will, given some more time to think about it, but it's very difficult to force his mind to go back to said images when it's only filled up with concern for his friend. Sure, it does seem like whatever managed to gain hold over Li Lianhua has surrended and pulled itself back, but Inigo isn't sure how to feel about the other's horrified reaction. It's equally worrisome - just in different ways.

At least he doesn't hesitate. The moment he sees the other trying to return to the shore, Inigo is already moving too, like he's ready to pull the other out of the water if need be.

Thankfully Li Lianhua does manage to make it most of the way back by himself--

--until he stumbles, that is, leaving Inigo to painfully wince in sympathy.

"Are you--" okay, he wants to say, but then thinks better of it. Swallowing that word back up, he instead holds out a hand towards the other. "Here, I will pull you out of that water."

In his panic, it's difficult to see anything at all, but after a moment his vision does alight on the offered hand and Li Lianhua grasps it desperately. He lets himself be hauled up and out of the water, managing to sling his other arm around Inigo's shoulder so he can lean all too heavily on the boy as they stagger back to solid ground.

His legs are shaking from the strain, or perhaps that's just all of him trembling, struggling to take in more air and get a hold of his racing thoughts, his racing heart. Try as he might, he can't recall how he got here, close to drowning in the middle of the lake, face to face with-- He squeezes his eyes shut against the throbbing in his head. His heart feels like it's trying to break free from him and he grasps at his own chest to hold it back, forcing words out against the tightness in his throat.

"What... what happened, how--" he wheezes, and doesn't let go of Inigo yet.

It's pretty clear that Li Lianhua should not be standing right now, unless Inigo wants the man to just topple over to the ground sooner or later. So with the other still leaning on him, it's pretty easy for Inigo to just slowly lower himself to let the other move alongside him, all the way until Li Lianhua is sitting on the ground at the waterside. Inigo sits down too, joining him - mostly so he can make sure he's right there to support the other in case even sitting up is too difficult for him right now.

"Something about the forest took over," Inigo tries to explain. It's not really an in-depth explanation, but to be fair - Inigo also does not know much about the details of what is going on here, and he also doesn't want to overwhelm Li Lianhua immediately because of his current state.

He's very curious about the images in the water, for example, but - one thing at a time.

"I think the water got rid of it." Inigo's eyebrows knit together into a worried frown. "You do feel like yourself again, right?"

Even if Li Lianhua still doesn't look like he's doing great. But him just being himself again is a good start, especially with how unsettling he looked while he was under the thrall of the forest.

Being allowed to sit down is a blessing. He gratefully lets himself be guided to the ground, immediately reaching out a hand to dig his fingers into the grass and soil for support. He manages to stop leaning on Inigo quite so heavily and forces deeper breaths into his lungs, slowly appearing calmer even if he isn't feeling anything but confusion and fear, still.

But Inigo's explanation gives him something else to focus on, something for his mind to work through. It makes little sense - the forest? The water? But Inigo makes it sound like one followed logically from the other, like there is something that makes sense behind it if one just thinks it through properly. Something took over his mind completely, directed him to do-- what, exactly? And something about the lake brought him back, those images--

Li Lianhua feels himself shivering slightly in his clothes soaked to the bone and finally pulls his arm back from Inigo's shoulder, roughly wiping the water from his face. Belatedly, he realizes there's some concern to be alleviated and he nods without meeting the boy's eyes.

"I- Yes, I do. I'm...," Li Lianhua again, for good or ill. He more coughs than huffs a faint laugh, voice still shakier than he'd like. Was it frightening to lose himself or was it just frightening to be brought back? He can't think about this right now.

"... Ah, thanks. But is this happening to others?"

"Yes," Inigo answers. Rather quickly - either because he wants to reassure Li Lianhua that quickly or, and more likely, it's just that he's still worried enough about the other that the panic is making him speak faster than he usually would. It's not a good sign if Li Lianhua is sitting here all wet and shivering, after all. Especially with that cough following it up. "I must admit that I am not entirely sure what is doing it. Thankfully I seem to have evaded it, so I have been trying to help people snap out of it, and I-- Um.."

His voice trails off.

There's a lot of things he's thinking about right now, but one thing in particular feels important to bring up first when he looks at the other's state right now.

"Do you-- Do you want a hug for warmth..?"

Look, he can't just suddenly hug Li Lianhua. Not out of nowhere!! Maybe if it was one of his teenage friends, sure, but he has to be on better behaviour around him than that!

It doesn't matter what motivates Inigo to answer quickly, just having a voice steadier than his own speak to him and explain a little more of what's been going on is helping ground Li Lianhua more than he could say. Even if the news isn't good at all, it's a relief to know Inigo was spared and has been doing what he's always doing, helping people.

But the news isn't good indeed. If others have been taken over as well, their minds suppressed and forced to act out another's will... it's a fate nobody should have to suffer, but it's a fate some people would take harder than others. Worry churns in the pit of his stomach, to say nothing of a spark of anger at whoever dared to do this to a whole town. Those feelings are both more productive and easier to focus on than the question of what he himself had been used for that ended in him nearly drowning himself, still rattling in the back of his mind like a chained, scared dog.

His thoughts elsewhere, Li Lianhua doesn't notice Inigo trailing off and almost doesn't hear his uncertain suggestion. A moment later it sinks in and Li Lianhua reacts as if it's not completely expected of Inigo to try to take care of him in any way he can. He leans back, eyes widening in disbelief. "What nonsense are you saying now? Is a hug going to dry my clothes and get me back to my house? Don't be a fool." And don't mind the fact that he's absentmindedly already wrapped an arm around his own chest and has been rubbing at his side against the cold. They don't have time to worry about him or those images in the water.

But even Li Lianhua knows that the boy who saved him deserves better than his scolding, and he relents a little, huffing another wheezing sigh. "It's just I need to get back, I... Some of my friends are strong fighters, if they end up like this they could be causing people a lot of trouble."

The moment Li Lianhua shoots down his request so easily, Inigo winces. Visibly. Maybe it's because he was so worried about the other this entire time that got him all emotional, which in turn allows his emotions to play up a little bit more here than Inigo would like them to. The last thing he wants to do is make Li Lianhua worry about him when it's clearly the other who needs help, but the very sharp rejection is enough to make Inigo's body jolt as if he's startled, and a moment later an expression not quite unlike a kicked puppy's appears on his face.

He doesn't say anything though. It wouldn't be like Inigo if he didn't suck everything up, even when he feels the ache of hurt in his chest. He just pushes it down the best he can, because it isn't useful right now. Li Lianhua's further words only remind him even further of how it isn't useful now.

"I will help you out of the forest then!" He instead quickly forces himself to say.

That's right. It's never meant to be about his emotions, or even his questions about what he saw in the water. It's just about what he can do for other people. That's what he should be focusing on here.

"Once you are out of here, you should rest up at home. There's no need to worry about anyone else who could get stuck out there. I'm planning on staying here to help out anyone else who might fall under this place's thrall, and-- I know I might not seem like all that much, but I'm quite a strong warrior as well!" Not necessarily something Inigo thinks about himself, but he knows when to project confidence. This is one of those moments. He has to make Li Lianhua think he's got this covered. "You can trust me to take care of it!"

Even half-blind and shivering, it would be difficult for Li Lianhua to miss that flinch and brief crestfallen expression, considering they're still sitting close enough to nearly touch. His scolding has done its job of keeping Inigo from further interrogating the state he's in or what had been visible in the lake, but he hadn't really meant it quite that harshly. Unfortunately he'd been so concerned with guarding his own anxiety, and so eager to get away from this place, that he'd briefly forgotten the need to be a little gentler with this boy than most.

Even Inigo's quick turn to chivalry and confidence is by now familiar evidence of hidden hurt. But none of that changes the fact that Li Lianhua is too exhausted to handle another's hurt feelings right now, and still needs to get away from here, and besides, maybe this is just Inigo learning that nothing good comes of saving Li Lianhua. He grimaces a little, a small pained smile halfway between pity and regret.

Even that projected confidence is mostly just kind of regrettable, suggesting that he would have any chance at all of putting up a fight against an enthralled Di Feisheng. That really wouldn't go great for anyone very quickly. This boy would endure barely more than a fly-swat, from that man. It would be a little funny if it weren't so wretched. He sighs and shakes his head, but drops his hand to pat Inigo's in an attempt to be something like reassuring, or kind.

"I'm grateful to you for saving me. I'll be even more grateful once I'm back home. But do you think the people who will hurt you against their will if you get in their way are going to thank you for it? You should think more about that, not your own heroics, alright?"

Well... he tried. Mostly to keep Inigo out of trouble and, potentially, someone from being forced to kill people unwillingly. Hoping not to give Inigo a chance to start an argument or a crying fit, he immediately holds out his arm expectantly. "Now help me get up, come on."

Without missing a beat--

"Yes, sir!"

Honestly, if Li Lianhua didn't know Inigo as well as he does, this act might even have actually been convincing. A total stranger likely would have fallen for this, considering how genuine Inigo's sudden energy and smile seem as he takes Li Lianhua's hand, carefully helping the other get back up.

He doesn't even protest the rest of what the other is telling him, but.. who even knows if that's because he's actually taking it to heart. It's also very likely that Inigo is throwing that advice straight into the wind - especially when he feels hurt enough in this moment. And the only way he knows how to deal with that hurt is to throw himself even harder into helping other people, no matter what the risks might be for him.

The smile lingers even when Li Lianhua is fully upright again.

"Do you think you feel good enough to walk? I can support you all the way home-- I don't mind!"

Inigo's endless energy and eagerness to be of use indeed is convenient if nothing else, and it's easy to see how someone who doesn't know him well would be happy to leave things up to him. In Li Lianhua's case it's rewarded only with more of a grimace, especially with so much absurd respect tacked on. He looks and feels as wretched as a street dog, and is about as good at showing gratitude as one. What 'sir'? He's never going to get used to that. Foolish boy.

But with Inigo's help he heaves to his feet, momentarily forced to stay bent over as he's wracked by a coughing fit for his troubles, fingers digging into the steadying arm wrapped around him. Once it eases up, so does his grip on Inigo and he gives a small placating wave.

"I can manage it myself, you don't have to carry me," he wheezes, but means it. He can stay on his feet and walk, though he keeps a hand on the boy's shoulder, both to steady himself and because he won't be able to discern a path through the forest, all the greenery swimming together dizzyingly in front of his failing eyes.

Something is still bothering him though. It hadn't escaped his notice that Inigo had nothing to say to his advice. The boy might be fine pretending that having no regard for his own safety is the solution to everything, but Li Lianhua can't let it go quite yet. Once they're on their way, shuffling slowly through the underbrush, he sighs and speaks up softly.

"But I'm serious. Don't let people live with the regret of hurting you. Throwing yourself in harm's way isn't as helpful as you think." But for all his worrying, more than anything Li Lianhua sounds tired, and won't have much left to argue with if Inigo chooses to ignore that, too.

Inigo could throw those words right back at Li Lianhua. Sure, he is escorting the other back right now, but Li Lianhua was a little dismissive about that too. And sometimes he talks in a way that makes it sound like he's also letting people live with regrets regarding him and his pain.

But it feels too petty. Inigo doesn't want to be like that. Even less so when the other is obviously weak. The hurt from before at the other's words stung, but it's the sort of sting that Inigo is never eager to dish right back out if he's in his right mind.

Still-- The man repeating his words feels like it's asking for a response. Even if Inigo doesn't want to give any. He doesn't feel like anything he could say here would make Li Lianhua feel any better.

...

He breathes in. He looks ahead of them, rather than to the side - just so he doesn't have to directly look at the other.

"Are you looking down on me that much?"

The words are quiet, but audible.

It's honestly a bit uncanny, how quickly and how much cheerfulness and confidence Inigo can muster as long as it's in aid of burying his own feelings. It had first struck Li Lianhua when he'd let slip about his illness at that banquet, though he couldn't understand the extent of it until he was confronted with Inigo's guilt in his nightmare. Someone like that would be willing to sacrifice anything for the sake of another, without considering the cost.

So it's a relief when no more of that follows his words, the uncomfortable silence at least showing that the boy is as reluctant to brush him off as he is to answer. Li Lianhua is too tired to press him further, willing to settle for that reluctance if necessary. The best he can do now is to hope Inigo will think of his words when he's trying to coax some crazed thrall into the lake like a granny across the road.

What's most surprising about Inigo's quiet and unexpected reply is how frank it is. Expressing a need is really unlike him, though he probably doesn't realize that's what he's doing. And the notion itself is as absurd as it is tragic. Li Lianhua huffs a quiet breath of laughter that dies as quickly as it escaped him.

"The one looking down on you isn't me." His hand briefly gives Inigo's shoulder a small squeeze. "Do you need me to think well of you because you can't? I hurt you just now, my opinion of you really doesn't matter."

Somehow it's easier to talk when he isn't directly looking at Li Lianhua, but instead in front of him as they walk. It's almost like the other isn't there. Like Inigo is talking to his own intrusive thoughts or anything.

Because if he wasn't-- well, then there is no way he could say any of this out loud. Not to some other person's ears.

"No one thinks well of me," he replies, just as quietly as before.

Though it's a thought that usually is pretty apparent in Inigo's mind through his behavior and the way he seems to think so little of himself, it's definitely not something he has often said out loud. Mostly because it's embarrassing. How terrible do you have to be to be a disappointment to your own father? To your sister? To your friends?

To a world you couldn't save?

(It's even easier to forget Li Lianhua is there when you get caught up enough in your own negative thoughts.)

"If I don't, and you don't, then we are just both agreeing with the majority opinion."

Li Lianhua can tell quite well that these words aren't meant for another person to hear. So it's just as well that it's only Li Lianhua here, barely more solid than those mirages in the lake and in some ways less real. He listens silently and free of judgement or objection, lets that silence go on between them for some moments, as expected of a ghost dragged from the frigid waters.

And as such he doesn't think to offer his own opinion on the matter. It's clear to him that what Inigo is saying isn't true, and he could try to speak for those other people that the boy clearly has in mind, who may or may not have given him reason to find no value in himself. But what good could that do? People will always find a reason to care what others think of them and assume the worst, especially someone as sensitive and affected by guilt as this little fool. It's just such a pity...

A pained, weary smile tugs at the corner of Li Lianhua's lips, the only visible reaction to Inigo talking to himself. "The majority opinion is worth next to nothing," he says at last, just as quietly. "The majority opinion vilifies good people and immortalizes those that should be forgotten. Have you ever helped a turtle that got stuck on its back, or returned a young bird to its nest?" Or pulled a wretched man from the waves he'd walked himself into.

"The majority opinion wouldn't know or care, but to that unfortunate creature your kindness means the world."

The young man does visibly startle a little bit when Li Lianhua speaks up. It's nothing over the top - certainly nothing as dramatic as Inigo's reactions can be at times - but it's at least a sign that he definitely wasn't speaking to Li Lianhua. Maybe he didn't even realize he actually said that out loud until now.

He doesn't look over at the other. Maybe Inigo is hoping he can just not acknowledge this is a conversation as long as he does that. If he just walks. If he pretends he's talking to the air itself, or to his mother's gravestone, the way he so often had in the past.

Even though the words still come out a touch slowly, betraying that the boy feels awkward to be saying this. To actually air some of the thoughts he usually buries.

"Similarly, every single person you have ever failed through a singular action would also remember that."

It's easy enough logic to turn on its head. Especially when Inigo feels like he has done much more things that failed people than things that were actually successful enough to help someone.

Li Lianhua thinks he is prepared for being rebuked, expecting Inigo to find a way to argue his goodness is worthless, even as that goodness is the only thing that truly matters in this world. After all, it's often the most difficult for a person to see their own virtues and faults clearly. He wouldn't dream of blaming Inigo for this, or tiring of it, it's just that if people were capable of a more accurate view of themselves, there would be much less grief in the world.

What Li Lianhua doesn't expect is for Inigo to cut straight through all his thoughts on praises and blames with such few words and such precision. Every single person you have ever failed; scores of Sigu Sect members led to their deaths with a singular decision, his shifu and shiniang, A-Mian, Fang Xiaobao and Di Feisheng, the man he used to call brother... the list seems endless and unbearable, too much to atone for in one life. There is no doubt in his mind that they all will remember his actions for the rest of their lives, or their afterlives.

Li Lianhua swallows hard against the weight of guilt closing his throat, his expression blank and his gaze distant as he continues to take one slow step after another.

"Yes, they will," he agrees plainly. But he's come to understand that things can be more complicated than that. "I fear... there are some people we can't help but fail. Carrying their own burdens, driven by their own obsessions, that we can't see. Circumstances far more out of our control than we know... Should we be blamed the same for these?"

The difference is subtle, but this time Li Lianhua isn't asking to make a point. There's a crease between his brows and a hesitation to his question that shows he is genuinely wondering, awaiting Inigo's judgement.

There is a good nuance in the question Li Lianhua is asking right now. Because even though Inigo isn't looking at the other as they walk, as he listens, as Li Lianhua speaks - he's still thinking of the other's presence enough to not feel comfortable answering a very plain yes to that question.

Not because he knows what the other is thinking about, but just.. in general. As much as Inigo will forever be hard on himself, he wouldn't think of doing the same to other people. Not when it comes to this. So it's the we that gets him there. Even as he's assuming Li Lianhua means the most general we possible rather than a we that just involves the two of them, there's no way Inigo can drag Li Lianhua or anyone else down with him into this.

Why would he tug the other out of the forest and the water only to shove him right back in?

"People can make mistakes," he says, a little more slowly this time. We can't help but fail, Li Lianhua had said. "But it's different for me. I exist to make things right."

That's just how it works now. He wasn't born that way, but it feels like it - even after all this time in this place, he still has trouble shaking off the feeling. The mindset has been ground too much into him after years and years of reminding himself of it, of being reminded of it.

"If I am failing people, then I have no right to exist."

At least those words - as dramatic as they are, though Inigo sounds very genuine about them, like he absolutely believes them - might explain why Inigo wanted to go back and stay in the forest so bad to help out other people. Why he seemed downcast at Li Lianhua rebuking him about it.

Edited 2025-05-19 15:22 (UTC)

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