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Considering Cat can't see him do it, Inigo dares to do one thing here. He lifts his hand to his cheek, squeezing the skin there - just to make sure he isn't dreaming.

And apparently he isn't, because he has to quickly suppress a pained sound before it can leave his mouth and leave Cat wondering what the hell Inigo is doing over here.

Then he gets up, moving from his own seat to instead sit next to Cat on the couch. Not fully pressed up against the other's side or anything, but - close. Definitely close. He wants to be closer while having this talk, especially since he's worried about his ability to hear Cat over the sound of Inigo's own racing heart, pounding so loudly that he can hear it all the way up in his ears.

"I.. I thought you were going to tell me you wanted to end things," he confesses. There's something a little shameful in his tone, yes, but there's more to it than that. There's a constant excited thrum that runs underneath it, threatening to break through any moment now. "I was kind of scared of coming here because of it, because I-- I like you. I've liked you already. But I thought you didn't like me back."

Or at least, that Cat certainly wasn't taking things as seriously as Inigo felt them.

"And I really didn't want this to end."

I wanted to be more to you. I still want that.

The sound of movement makes him wary, but when Inigo is clearly intent on settling closer to him, he starts to feel the work on half-built walls slowing to a halt. His arms loosen their hold and he finds himself wanting to reach out to him. He manages to hold firm against the impulse until the words make their way past his guard.

He'd been...scared?

What a relief. Inigo wasn't disinterested or mad, he just didn't want to lose what they had. With something familiar reflecting back at him, Cat's confidence grows enough for him to reach out to the direction of Inigo's voice, willing to fumble a little bit for the sake of finding Inigo's cheek. He goes to close the distance, grin already forming -- when a thought brings him to a halt. Caressing Inigo's lip with his thumb, Cat trepidates on whether to mention what he's sure Inigo is already aware of, on some level, after their time together in a time ten years from now: that he's going to get worse, and that maybe whatever this was 'ending' wasn't something they were guaranteed to be able to put off.

Was it fair to go on without making that clear? Was it fair to present a choice for Inigo to be locked into? What was right, when someone was 'more' but malleable? Fox, in contrast, was bold and vocal in her choices, at least when sharing them with him. Inigo had been about to quietly leave it all in Cat's hands -- a different kind of approach for a different kind of partner. Partner. Even with his acclimation to Fox, the word seems so foreign to this former stray, but the more he lets his mind dwell on it, the more his face shifts back into a growing smile.

It's fine. Things were rarely fair, anyway.

"Lucky you, then." As if he isn't contending with rising giddiness or feeling a little dizzy from relief. "Want me to say it again? I like you, Firefly." Praying that Inigo will make any adjustment himself so that he wouldn't miss, Cat leans in while moving onto his knee so that he can press a firm kiss against the other's lips. "I like you. I want you." Another kiss, not giving room for words until he's had his last. "Be mine, won't you?"

It's entirely too much. The kisses by itself is something Inigo would be able to handle, especially when he has to more or less actively participate in the first place to make sure they happen with all the guesswork on Cat's end - but the words between them, that's where it gets too much. That's what gets his chest to feel all warm, his thoughts all giddy.

It's never been like this. He's never heard these words. People.. liking him. Wanting him. Inigo honestly imagined it was never in the cards for him, and that made every single decision along the way easier.

Why not sacrifice himself for the world, if no one was ever going to want him anyway? Why not give a chance to a move lovable version of himself? It felt natural.

He realizes he really ought to answer that last one, especially when Cat's kisses stop for a moment, but his head feels so dizzy that he isn't quite sure he can form an answer. Oh, sure, he knows it in his heart, but saying it suddenly feels like an entire endeavor with his body in this overwhelmed state.

"I want to be yours," he finally manages to throw out there, more breath in the words than he would have liked, but at least now they're up and out there, at least Cat can hear them, know Inigo wants this.

He reaches out, putting his hands on top of Cat's own, letting them rest there. "I love you." Because-- dammit, like isn't enough. He has to say this much. "I'll say it a thousand-- a million times, if I have to. It's the least I can do for how lucky you're making me."

Because surely Cat could have gotten someone else. Surely he has plenty of options.

But here he is with Inigo. Here Inigo is, being the one Cat wants.

The full-on beaming smile skitters to a halt, and it's a testament to just how much he likes Inigo that he doesn't jerk away from the sudden, startling confession or let out a nervous giggle. After all, love? That's a bit much, isn't it? Inigo is naive and idealistic, but surely not to that degree. Cat feels ice in his veins. He doesn't know whether it's the sharp edges of them or his thoughts that cut him up inside when he wonders how he could have tricked someone into loving him again.

"I..." he falters, his eye that can still move glancing off to the side as if the words burned bright enough for him to see, as if Inigo is the sun and he never should have been looking directly at him. "You don't ev --..."

What is he doing? He should be pouncing on this. What an opportunity that's been handed to him on a silver platter!

"I'm not there," comes the brittle honesty. Can he spare a little more...? "I think it would be nice, getting to love you. But you know, I think I know even less about you than I do about love. Gotta be close, right? So..."

What is he blabbering on about? Is he trembling? His relationship with sensation in his hands is -- heh -- touch and go these days, but he thinks it's possible. Between the disease sending him into shivers more and more and the fear of being handed something he doesn't want broken, it wouldn't be hard for him to believe.

Trying to keep his voice steady, Cat finishes only half-jokingly, "You'll be responsible for teaching me how, from now on."

Edited 2025-01-01 14:23 (UTC)

If there's anything Inigo has had to learn how to deal with a little bit better, it's this sensation.

He gets it so often. That feeling that he's opened his mouth too much, that he's said too much. The feeling of rejection that feels like putting your foot forward and accidentally putting it right over a cliff. The feeling of sinking away in it as you fall, the terrible kind of adrenaline, his heart sinking into his shoes. He feels it so often that it feels like second nature to give into it. To let the disappointment win, to feel rejected, to immediately push himself away - taking the easier path than to deceive himself.

Not giving into it that quickly is something he's had to learn over time, but it's still hard. He can still feel all the physical symptoms of it. His heart feeling like it's curling in on itself, acid in his stomach. It's taking him everything to not immediately fall into never mind, into find someone better, into I'm so sorry. It's like a battle with himself on the spot, and Inigo suddenly feels so tired.

He smiles a little less, but there's still a smile. A little shaky, but not a lie.

He's trying to be strong. It's all he's ever tried, regardless of how many times it succeeded or failed.

"Would you want to learn?"

His throat feels so dry, but he speaks, rather than giving into the instinct to pull away. He nails himself to the spot.

"I wouldn't wish for you to do anything you wouldn't want to, of course." That, too, is part of love. Accepting what's better for the other's happiness. "If it's too much, then I-- I would entirely understand. But if you are saying you would want to learn, then I would.. I wouldn't mind."

"I said it would be nice, didn't I?" He doesn't speak very loudly for fear of losing any softness he has left in his voice. He thought that was clear. Can he really be fumbling it this hard? No, he can't be getting too caught up in all that or he's going to lose sight of the fact that Inigo has feelings for him at all -- and sight is something he's tired of losing, to be frank. Really, there are too many things threatening to bring the mood down to the gutter Cat crawled out of all those years ago.

"Listen, Inigo... If I didn't want that, I wouldn't have said it. I don't do the things I don't feel like doing." As for what's actually worrisome, from Cat's point of view... With a sigh, he relaxes back into the cushion of the couch, grabs Inigo's hand to keep him from pulling back if he wanted, and instead places it against his collar. It's so warm. "It's just new. All of this. That's why I was scared, too. Turned out okay so far, if you ask me."

"It's new to me too," he says, quietly.

Granted, that may seem obvious with how shy Inigo seems at times, and how much he fumbles at other times, but at least he might seem like the type who has received love more often. Or - even more likely - has thrown love around more often.

But what he's saying is entirely honest. It's why he sounds so genuine about it. It's his first time in a situation like this too. His first time having his hand on someone's neck like this, and feeling their heartbeat against the palm of his hand.

"That's why I was asking you," Inigo continues, explaining. "I-- I just want to make sure. So that I don't assume the wrong thing, or hurt your feelings."

Look, Cat, do you know how hard it is for Inigo to speak his mind? He's doing his best over here! This is him being so bold by his standards.

"You have to teach me too, you know?" Maybe not about love, but--

His other, free hand reaches out to put itself on Cat's cheek on the other side of where his hand rests on Cat's collar. "About you. And your feelings. I want to know it all."

The pulse beneath Inigo's palm is a fluttery little thing, not the strongest even when to Cat it feels like a hammer meeting an anvil again and again, hard as it can manage. His heart wants to crawl out of his chest, though whether it's to leap into Inigo's arms or scuttle away somewhere never to be seen again, who can say? Cat is already stuck on words. He rolls Inigo's around his head while clenching his own between his teeth to get a real taste for them before he can share them, as if they're a dish he's hesitant for someone else to finally try.

There's no way to improve without another's opinion, though, and it's Inigo's that matters to him in this moment, so he carefully asks, "And if you don't love me anymore once you know?"

That's always the risk, with the truth.

Inigo's instinct is to tell him that's silly.

Because it is silly to Inigo. The idea of disliking someone because of information they are trusting you with feels absolutely silly to him, considering just how deep Inigo's love and care - in general, not just romantic - runs. But the problem is that he can tell that Cat is saying it in a careful way. That the other is likely thinking a whole lot more about those words than he's actually speaking out loud.

So rather than going for that joking and smiling response, Inigo tries to go for something that gives a little bit more care to Cat's worries.

"I l--" Almost said the word again, but Inigo catches himself this time. He looks a little flustered, but bolsters himself to continue. "I like you a whole lot."

Better. He isn't moving his hands either.

"I think you're going to have to try trusting me when I tell you that I really don't think that fact is going to change so easily."

It's too difficult to believe, even if he's sure Inigo means it by the rich warmth in his voice and touch. Just...Inigo saw good even where there wasn't any, and while Cat wasn't the most depraved kitty on the block, there were plenty of things he wasn't proud of, either. It was an endearing trait the other had, for sure, and something Cat envied on more than one occasion, which is why instead of rejecting the heartfelt response outright, he aims for a smile that isn't too cruel in its amusement.

"Ha, but how can I, when you've already demoted me?" he teases softly, lifting off the couch once again so he can drag his tired self into Inigo's lap. Just so he can be clear on this at least, Cat drops the tone when he reassures in a whisper close to Inigo's lips, "You can say it, if you want to. Won't blame you if you don't. But if it's alright by you, I think I'd like hearing it."

It's something he'd like to get used to, for sure.

Please, Cat. Navigating this sort of thing is hard, okay! Though his clarity here helps a whole lot. In fact, Inigo even understood that the first thing he said was mostly a joke, rather than taking it too seriously and getting hurt at it..

But it's still true that he's very worried about hurting the other's feelings. About going too far, about not going far enough. When you're as constantly worried about what other people feel as Inigo is, it's really hard to find the right thing to do in a situation that's so new for you. He would gladly - even if with embarrassment of the constant reminder inside of him - have stepped down to like for Cat's comfort levels. Anything so the other feels good about what they're trying to work out here.

So the other moving it back up to love - on Inigo's end, anyway - is-- Well, surprising. Definitely that. It makes Inigo stare at the other this up close now in surprise for a moment as he tries to process it. Insecurity rears its head inside of him, and a part of him wants to ask if the other really is comfortable with that, but it probably would be a little much to ask here, right? He would love the certainty, but again, he's so worried about Cat's feelings..

In the end Inigo swallows down the question, despite the insecurity lingering.

"It's alright by me," he answers, though he sounds a little timid. Maybe it's because Cat is now on his lap, or maybe it's all the Navigating going on here in his mind. But he's trying!

"I just want you to know that I-- I love you for who you are. For everything I have seen from you so far, and learned about you until now." He's still speaking a little softly, and a little timidly, but it doesn't make the words sound like he means them any less. His fingertips glide across the sides of the other's face, trying to avoid the spots with less sensation now he knows where they are. "I love your confidence. It makes you shine."

At the touch, his eye that can still close does so briefly, something akin to a shiver working through him. It's still strange to be treated so tenderly, and to hear soft, affectionate words -- of a different love's nature, anyway. Him, shine? He must, for Inigo to be blind to such glaringly obvious bad points. Cat closes the remaining distance to give a kiss gentle enough to fit the sincerity in Inigo's voice.

"Some might call that stubbornness," he laughs breathily. "You're the shining one, my Firefly." That's why he'd been named such, as far as he was concerned. Blue might be more concerned with the flicker that came and went from such a being's life, but Cat was much younger than her and much closer to death than Inigo.

...But speaking of 'shining' and things he doesn't mind hearing from Inigo -- "I guess I should get you learning it all from me instead of giving the Oracle another shot at it... I wasn't keeping my name from you on purpose. I just don't think about giving it out much, you know? Hardly anyone uses it..." He clears his throat a little, fingers light as they stroke through Inigo's hair. "You could, though. Call me Lucio, I mean, when it's like this."

".. Lucio," he slowly says, the name coaxed out of his mouth by those fingers moving encouragingly through his hair.

It feels a little strange. Maybe it's since he's so used to saying Cat at this point, when Inigo has been doing that for such a long while. Or maybe it's because it's so close to another name that's so familiar to him. The memory of a time when he was still allowed to just be a young boy, calling out for his sister as he ran through the halls of the castle, Luce--

He buries the thought deep inside of him. Inigo doesn't want to think of the memory, doesn't want to think of all the baggage that comes with it. Maybe it's fate that the names are so similar. Maybe it's awful coincidence.

The name lingers on his tongue for the moment, and Inigo continues to stare at the other, even if Cat can't tell.

"I would offer you the same--" He starts, trying to sound a little bit lighter in tone. "But unfortunately I have no name to give away other than the one you already know."

Like it's a joke. Something light, gentle.

"Do you like it, though? Lucio.. It sounds fancy." Not in a negative way, though, judging by Inigo's tone.

It's...so strange to hear it, but there is a certain amount of thrill that comes from unfamiliarity. The suggestion that it's fancy makes him want to laugh, so he channels his amusement into twirling a strand of Inigo's hair around his finger. It's a little more fumbling than he'd like, but he can't do much about that.

"I don't really think about it most of the time. My sister... She's really the only one that uses it." Cat gives a weak shrug, trying not to feel too wistful at the mention. Somehow, he doesn't want to think about how much he misses her while he's straddling Inigo, even if he's not aiming to take things any further than they've gotten. Just seems a bit awkward. He forges on, "That's really the only thing that made it important enough to play it close to the chest, you know? Something just for those I've chosen. Too bad this place always seems to have an opinion."

Inigo smiles. "I bet most people have already forgotten."

Except for the people Cat is close to, of course - but considering Cat is telling him, maybe he had already told them, or was planning on doing so soon. But when it comes to the larger masses of people here--

"There is always so much information going around during those moments. There is no way anyone could remember it all." In fact, Inigo had kind of been trying to put it out of his mind, but that was more because he wanted to be kind to Cat.. He may be a rather unique case though..

He lets out a very faint huff of laughter. "Though, you know.. It's a little close to my sister's name."

The emphasis is definitely there on purpose. Inigo did notice Cat quickly scooting by the mention of his own sister, so he doesn't want to make the other think of that right now. "I often call her Luce. I hope it doesn't mean this was some sort of odd sister complex on my end all along."

At least he can honestly joke about that, because Cat is absolutely nothing like Lucina in just about any other way.

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