It's not something that he talks about often. It's not relevant to his life now, to look back on his childhood years and reminisce about his difficulties. Why would anyone need to know that Fang Duobing used to be wheelchair-bound, that he had been so ill that his mother feared to even name him until he was five.
But Inigo is asking, and maybe it's something worthwhile to tell, so they can understand one another a little better.
"I was born sickly. When I was a child, I couldn't even walk. My... My uncle tried to teach me swordplay, but he was impatient and grew frustrated every time I couldn't hold a sword." That's not the truth of the relationship, but what else could he do but gloss over the fact that it was his father. The full story was much too complicated for one sitting, and this much is enough to tell already.
"My mother tried to console me by saying that I didn't need to learn, she would take care of me. No one could understand my frustrations, that I wanted to learn but I couldn't make my frail body hold a sword meant for someone who could stand."
"Then... Someone else came along and offered me a small wooden sword." He obfuscates again, this time out of respect for Li Lianhua and his secrets. It doesn't matter much, when Inigo doesn't know his name regardless. "He told me that if I could learn to swing it, he would train me. He didn't berate my shortcomings or make excuses for my inability. It was simple, straightforward; and most importantly, it was just like anyone else. With that lighter sword, I was able to make real progress for once."
"I could credit my determination to him. I still put in the work, even when it was painful, but he gave me hope that it could amount to something, that what I wanted wasn't out of reach."
It's.. a difficult feeling. On the one hand, Inigo can absolutely understand why Fang Duobing had wanted to pick up a sword so badly. It makes sense. He can't be sure what he would have been doing or wanting in that situation, but of course Fang Duobing needed something to take him out of that miserable situation with all those people looking down on him. It makes his insisting on letting the kids here fight make all the sense in the world.
.. on the other hand, there's still that nauseating feeling in the pit of Inigo's stomach when he thinks about how little he had wanted to pick up a sword, and yet it has been there in his hand so often.
He swallows the feeling. Even if it's difficult, he wants to focus on his friend right now. It's not strange for Fang Duobing to talk, but this is certainly the most vulnerable thing he's ever shared with Inigo, and he wants to make sure to honor that.
"I see what you're getting at now," he says, giving the other a gentle smile. "It's kind of you to want to look out for those kids and make sure they never have to feel like they aren't good enough."
It is the most vulnerable that Fang Duobing has been with him--save perhaps for the sharing of their wishes that had been foisted upon them. This feels... both easier and more difficult, partly because he can decide how much to tell and partly because he still has to be the one to tell it. He nods a little to Inigo's smile and his gentle words, his usual buoyance subdued into thoughtfulness.
"...It's not just about fighting, though. For me it's what I aspire to, and maybe for this child you encountered, it's also his dream." It certainly sounds like it is, but there's something about Inigo's push-back from before that he still wants to make clear. "But everyone should have a chance to chase their ideals as far as their ability allows them. I think that's true of all aspirations, so long as they don't cause harm. If you have something else that you dream of, you should be just as free to pursue it."
Inigo's gaze drops for a moment - not necessarily looking sad, but mostly just kind of shy in that way Inigo sometimes does.
There's still some sadness and even more complicated feelings, but he's shoving those down as far as he can, letting out a shy little laugh before he manages to turn his gaze back to his friend.
"Is that still your dream, then?"
Does Inigo realize Fang Duobing was turning this towards him? Of course. But that's why he's pushing it back towards the other so quickly. As long as Fang Duobing doesn't look too awkward about having to be vulnerable, then it's fine - Inigo wouldn't turn it back to him if it felt too delicate. But it's nice to hear Fang Duobing speak of himself, and Inigo really does not want to think about his own dreams and all the nauseating feelings that brings.
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But Inigo is asking, and maybe it's something worthwhile to tell, so they can understand one another a little better.
"I was born sickly. When I was a child, I couldn't even walk. My... My uncle tried to teach me swordplay, but he was impatient and grew frustrated every time I couldn't hold a sword." That's not the truth of the relationship, but what else could he do but gloss over the fact that it was his father. The full story was much too complicated for one sitting, and this much is enough to tell already.
"My mother tried to console me by saying that I didn't need to learn, she would take care of me. No one could understand my frustrations, that I wanted to learn but I couldn't make my frail body hold a sword meant for someone who could stand."
"Then... Someone else came along and offered me a small wooden sword." He obfuscates again, this time out of respect for Li Lianhua and his secrets. It doesn't matter much, when Inigo doesn't know his name regardless. "He told me that if I could learn to swing it, he would train me. He didn't berate my shortcomings or make excuses for my inability. It was simple, straightforward; and most importantly, it was just like anyone else. With that lighter sword, I was able to make real progress for once."
"I could credit my determination to him. I still put in the work, even when it was painful, but he gave me hope that it could amount to something, that what I wanted wasn't out of reach."
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.. on the other hand, there's still that nauseating feeling in the pit of Inigo's stomach when he thinks about how little he had wanted to pick up a sword, and yet it has been there in his hand so often.
He swallows the feeling. Even if it's difficult, he wants to focus on his friend right now. It's not strange for Fang Duobing to talk, but this is certainly the most vulnerable thing he's ever shared with Inigo, and he wants to make sure to honor that.
"I see what you're getting at now," he says, giving the other a gentle smile. "It's kind of you to want to look out for those kids and make sure they never have to feel like they aren't good enough."
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"...It's not just about fighting, though. For me it's what I aspire to, and maybe for this child you encountered, it's also his dream." It certainly sounds like it is, but there's something about Inigo's push-back from before that he still wants to make clear. "But everyone should have a chance to chase their ideals as far as their ability allows them. I think that's true of all aspirations, so long as they don't cause harm. If you have something else that you dream of, you should be just as free to pursue it."
no subject
There's still some sadness and even more complicated feelings, but he's shoving those down as far as he can, letting out a shy little laugh before he manages to turn his gaze back to his friend.
"Is that still your dream, then?"
Does Inigo realize Fang Duobing was turning this towards him? Of course. But that's why he's pushing it back towards the other so quickly. As long as Fang Duobing doesn't look too awkward about having to be vulnerable, then it's fine - Inigo wouldn't turn it back to him if it felt too delicate. But it's nice to hear Fang Duobing speak of himself, and Inigo really does not want to think about his own dreams and all the nauseating feelings that brings.