flatteries | ic ✗ inbox

[ It has its effect, those blows. Maybe not the right knife that Inigo wants it to be, but they cut in deep all the same. What your father would've wanted for you?, --What Yuna would want for you--

No, he knows the last. She searched for him despite everything. Years gone by and still thinking about him, and it hurts how much she loved him. A hurt he treasures. To have someone love you that strongly, to think about you after all that time. No matter how short the time they had together, brief, over. Who could have been a luckier guy than him? Lucky to ever know her.

Lucky to be the one to have her affection.

'I'm dead,' sits in the back of his throat, a truth he knows he can't speak. Not this. Not on this night after everything that happened to Roland, with how desperate the both of them have been. He can't do that to Inigo now, not after all his hurt, his losses.

He can't let him lose him too.

So he rests in a silence that threatens to drag, to have no response. The darkness he sees the portion of Inigo still settled on his side. Refusing to look up like the coward he is. The truth is... the truth... ]

I don't know... [ he starts, or tries, the words hard to let out. ] I don't know how to... how I would... live with it.

[ The guilt. To be alive when everyone he used to know wasn't coming back. Him with the second chance, the rest of Zanarkand-

His voice turns soft, the rain close to drowning him out. ]

I don't know, Inigo...

Edited 2020-11-30 21:47 (UTC)

[ With the silence hanging over them, only interrupted by the sound of the rain on the tent, Inigo's chest clamps up with worry. Did he go too far? Say the wrong thing? Is Tidus just going to throw him out of his tent now?

And thankfully - thankfully - that doesn't happen, but it's still hard all the same. To see Tidus so lost. So hurt.

It leaves Inigo silent for a moment too, though it takes a bit less long for him to speak up. ]

Of course it's going to be hard.

[ His voice is a bit softer too, still audible even with the backdrop of the rain. And he realises it's maybe not the ideal answer, but.. it is the truth. It's not like this is going to be easy, even if Tidus would choose it. ]

That's why.. It's not like I just suddenly want you to miraculously make up your mind right now.. [ Inigo shifts from his hovering position over Tidus to instead sit up, especially with the other not over at him anyway. ] I just don't want you to give up before ever even thinking of it.

[ He doesn't want to see that defeated look in Tidus's eyes, the one that feels like it sends a sword straight through his heart. ]

Think about it for weeks. Or months. But.. please.. Please don't give up before that. I'm doing my best too since you encouraged me..

... Okay.

[ It's quiet, reluctant. A confirmation he doesn't want to vocalise, but a nod would be too easily lost in the dark. He owes Inigo more, though he isn't sure that he's giving him anything at all. Except, he's right: he's a hypocrite. Telling Inigo he can do it, he can live on no matter what. And yet-

And yet- ]

...I wanted to make you feel better, [ he confesses, after a dose of silence. Small but present. A light jest to words otherwise mirthless. ] Give you company. Guess I ruined that.

[ He looks up to catch Inigo's eye, or somewhere around his face. A smile failing to curl on his lips, grimacing instead. An apology implied, not said. ]

Rain makes everything depressing.

[ Even people. ]

[ The reluctance in the word isn't lost on Inigo, but it's better than nothing. He's grasping at straws so desperately here that he'll take anything, even this. But it mostly just lights his desire to be there for Tidus even more. To make sure he's alright, somehow. A feeling that Inigo has felt since long before he found out his feelings for the other were a little more complicated than he initially thought. ]

.. it's okay. [ He says after a moment, the words more exhaled than actually said. ] I actually want you to tell me these things, you know..? Not everything we talk about has to be super happy all the time. I'd rather have you tell me about these things than let them haunt your head all by yourself. So we can work on it together.

Inigo moves to lie down again too, but this time he actually wraps his arms around Tidus, pulling the other a bit closer to him. With how Tidus is lying there, it's more like their earlier spooning than face-to-face cuddling, but the hold is loose enough for Tidus to turn over and look at him instead if he'd wish to. ]

Sorry though. [ There's a near-pouty quality to his tone, but very soft, very subdued. ] That I get so upset at it.

[ Because he's always a little too emotional. Too involved with others. Feelings extending and tangling up with other people before Inigo can ever stop them. ]

Having you here with me like this does make me feel a lot better, believe it or not..

Sorry that you think I'm stupid? [ It's soft, but the joke comes through clearer than before, not serious. Not wrong either, though there's no real reassurance Tidus thinks he can give. The arm coming over him a surprise touch to his body, but - it's not bad. He doesn't push away from it, or try to wiggle out.

Some things are better not acknowledged. ]

It's nice... hanging out. People do it, back in Zanarkand. You know - sleepovers. Kid stuff, stuff, but I never got to do it much. Once or twice, but. [ He'd shrug here, but leaves it for his tone to do. ] I ever tell you I was a grouchy kid? Figured I was too mature to have them.

[ Hah- ] But to be honest, I was just embarrassed. 'Round that time you really did that kind of thing.

I don't know if people did this back in Ylisse. I didn't. [ But that had more to do with his circumstances. Not like people can just go for casual sleepovers with the prince, after all. Not to mention that the world went to crap early on enough for him to not remember too much of the time things were actually good.

It's only a brief, idle statement though. He's mostly thinking about what Tidus is saying, letting it sink in. Trying to imagine grouchy kid Tidus - actually not too difficult of a feat, despite his more energetic disposition now. After all, knowing what Inigo does about his dad, about the shadow he was growing up in.. It's not too strange.

Interrupting the sound of the rain once more, Inigo speaks up again. ]

How about now? Are you embarrassed?

[ Tidus must have known for sure that this was the inevitable outcome of inviting Inigo over into his tent, after all. He's not particularly subtle about his constant desire for physical affection.

And yet he asked Inigo to come sleep here anyway. ]

[ Is he? ]

...It's not bad, [ he admits. Maybe strangely - and maybe it's because everything that's come before this: the talking, the intimacy shared no physical, but else. He's not feeling what he usually does, overthinking the situation despite knowing what this actually means for Inigo.

He's with a friend. He can't mind that, right now. ]

What about in your cabin? With your roommates. [ He wonders- ] Do you like rooming with people?

[ It's not as close as this, but he wonders, Inigo speaking about not sleeping over with people back in Ylisse, not sharing a tent with anyone 'til now. Did he like his cabinmates? ]

[ He hums softly from behind Tidus, thinking. ]

I like the idea of rooming with others, but.. I'm not really close with my roommates. [ Inigo sounds a tad embarrassed, admitting it. There are plenty of people who'd describe him as a social butterfly, after all, but there are still some times where shyness holds him back, or not having great contact with people immediately makes him worry. ]

Not-- Not that they're bad people. Not at all. We just.. don't talk a whole lot, you know?

[ He hasn't even really let his front down much yet with them. ]

No? [ There's a note of surprise in that, but one short-lived. ] Mmm, I get it. I'm the same with mine. I mean, I'm not interested in getting to know Xue Yang, [ all things considered, ] but S'reee likes staying out of the room. It's too cramped for her. And we haven't had anyone on the bed above her in nearly a month.

[ He chuckles lightly. ] You can come over and take it if you want. If you don't mind disappearing back to your bed after. [ That's what happens, right? ] And sleeping above a bathtub.

[ You can never forget the bathtub. ]

.. what?

[ Under their current circumstances, it's not the kind of dramatic surprise that one might otherwise get from Inigo. It's more subdued while they're lying here like this, quiet, with only the darkness and the rain to accompany them.

A surprise that lingers in the air for a moment. Because it's just.. new. Sure, Inigo has been on the train for long enough with friends that he's at least grown used to the idea that people actually like him here and care for him, but this feels a little beyond that. It's Tidus inviting him into his space, after all. A shared space, but one that has been Tidus's for a while now.

Not that it's a bad thing. Quite the opposite. Inigo already finds himself liking the idea, sleeping with someone so dear to him nearby.. Hence why it's just a good kind of surprise. Surprise at Tidus giving him this gift.

His arms, still around Tidus, momentarily squeeze the other just slightly before getting a bit more relaxed again. ]

You're.. You're sure? You wouldn't mind?

[ What's that squeeze for? To see if he's not really dreaming, to check that it's Tidus there? It makes Tidus curious, looking nowhere into the darkness. A small smile playing on his lips. ]

Should I? [ What was there to bother him? He wonders, thinking- ] I can let you borrow my ticket if you need to get in or out...

Mmm... ... nope! Don't see a problem. It's up to you, [ he decides. But what else was there to think about? He wasn't the one who'd disappear in the morning. ]

I can ask S'reee if she minds. But I doubt it. Just as long as she can get in and out, and she didn't have problems with the last guy we had.

[ ...oh. ]

You're not going to mind a girl whale in the room, are you? [ he asks cheekily... ]

[ UGH.

Mood ruined. Very temporarily, but ruined all the same. Inigo even just groans in flustered annoyance. Tidus, please!! ]

There literally are two girls in my room already! [ .. Orisa counts as a girl, right? He.. thinks..? Either way, point is-- ] I'm pretty sure I'll survive sleeping in the same room as a girl whale.

[ G-GEEZ. Don't make fun of him being terrified of girls, bro! ]

I was touched that you didn't mind having me around there, but now I see it's just so you can have even more opportunities to tease me.

[ And yet, for all his current embarrassment, he's not letting go of Tidus. Still just holding on to him. Not very tight, still, but present all the same. ]

[ That does get a light laugh out of Tidus. ]

Isn't that going to be the best part about it? I can tell you if you snore! And find out if you have any weird sleeping habits...

[ No he won't, not if Inigo's going to take the top bunk, but why not make it sound like a threat for a guy like Inigo? Make him whine and call him a bully, but still be holding onto him, no matter what else he teases him with. ]

I wonder if you sleep with socks on?

[ Like so. ]

I'm going back to my own tent.

[ Says the guy who is not making even a single motion to do so. (He's enjoying the cuddling, okay, even if Tidus is trying to ruin it by being.. by being dumb!!) ]

I can't believe I'm completely willing to be vulnerable and asleep in front of you, my dear friend Tidus, and you're betraying that trust before I've even fully extended it to you! [ HUFF. ] Now we know who's the better friend here.

[ Is this getting more chuckles out of Tidus? From the threat of Inigo leaving to as he goes on. It keeps in his voice, tickled. You can hear the smile on his face as he speaks. ]

I never said Taiki wasn't the better friend. [ ayyyye, cheeky cheeky. ] But if I'm remember things right, weren't you the one who came to me to tent with first? Sooo... it sounds like to me...

You like me more?

[ Sacrilege talk, coyly asked. But he said it!! ]

[ Too cheeky.

And also really, really awkward, considering Inigo realised his crush on the other literally the other night. So in a way, it's true. He does like Tidus more than Taiki-- or rather, he likes him in a different way than Taiki. (That, too, is now starting to make sense in his head in the most frustrating of ways.)

But it's not like he can just say that. As if Tidus would ever like him. And even if he would, Inigo can't - not with Yuna. Not with how much Tidus must still love her, miss her.

So Inigo grows quiet for a moment. Still lying there with Tidus, still holding him, but not saying a word for maybe half a minute before he finally poutily mumbles: ]

I bet Taiki would let me sleep in his tent..

Suuuuure, [ he says, in that tone that could go anywhere. A cheeky reply? Why not, he's filling with them now. Oblivious to any particular silence with the rain softer now, but nicer to listen to. A little. ]

Do those two share a tent? Saku and Taiki. [ Actually, that's where Tidus's head goes. ] You would think Taiki would stay outside, right? Or...would he? What do you think?

[ Inigo knows!! Right? ]

They'd probably share, right? Wouldn't Taiki want to be near lord Gyousou? [ Granted, maybe it's Inigo projecting a little bit, with how clingy he himself is.. But he can't imagine it any other way. That's just too sad. ] And even though he may put himself off to the side at times, I'm sure lord Gyousou would see through that and make sure Taiki could stay with him if he wanted to.

[ He's felt those feelings firsthand through experiencing the king's memories, after all. ]

They're really lucky to be here together.

[ Because he doesn't even want to imagine them seperately. ]

Yeah, [ he agrees, a note soft. ] Saku, he'd probably be alright just him, but the other way round... even just Saku - they're a good pair.

[ There's a thought on his mind, a remark that isn't true - not his. It's good to have someone else around you know. Is it? He can't say... even if he doesn't regret the time with Yuna. But what was it like for other people? Was it better for Inigo, to have Gerome here and then see him go?

So he's quiet, longer than he means. Thoughts undecided, until he says, even as half-figured out as everything in his head before it: ]

I hope people get to leave one day with answers. I mean- more than going back just the way you left, you know? Some way to help whatever's going on back where they came from. A lot of people had stuff they were dealing with already before they got here.

They deserve being saved too. Like we're doing for everyone else.

[ Inigo hums quietly in agreement. He, too, is quiet for a moment, trying to carefully pick his words. After all, this talk of going home is getting dangerously close to what they discussed before, and Inigo wants to thread lightly when it comes to that. Tidus's feelings.. they must already have felt so tender earlier. Inigo doesn't want to make it all flow back up again. ]

It'd be nice if those two could find ways to be more prepared for everything back home. [ So maybe this is better. Easier. Rather than thinking about Tidus's fate back home and him struggling to accept any other, rather than starting about Roland which is also way too close to their previous discussion, rather than even thinking about himself.. Maybe it's easier to think of the people important to them outside of that. ]

It would mean all of this has been worth it. Even to us personally, aside from all the places we've been helping out.

I just wish... we had some kind of promise. An answer. Any answer, you know?

[ Is it good to get back into frustrations? Speaking of hopes; they can lead to the whys for their hopes. Why they're hopes and not certainties. World-saving cargo going from one world to the next.

Ugh. He hates it. He hates thinking about it, all this uncertainty that's been swarming around them all day. So Tidus sighs, huffs, the sound not drowned out by the rain now. ]

I wish everything wasn't so...complicated. [ Ugh! ] It just makes me annoyed!

[ He's no good at this kind of thinking-! ]

[ It's a frustration Inigo understands very well. Even though things often turn more towards sadness than anger for him, he's been thinking the same things. If only they had some more answers. As to where the people who leave go. How long this trip is going to take. Why the train does so many of the things it does.

But he knows it seems like they're not going to get any answers. And that means Tidus is just going to get more and more frustrated. And while it's good to have some of that frustration if it drives him forward, at the same time..

.. maybe right now isn't the ideal time for it. Especially when Inigo's heart is still a little sore from everything that happened today, the constant extreme rollercoaster of emotions.

So he mumbles audibly: ] Let's not think about it right now.

[ He shifts just a tad, just enough to be even closer to Tidus, fully pressing tightly to his back now, the hold of his arms growing a bit stronger along with it. This spooning is intensifying. ]

Let's think about the good things. We made it through today without getting attacked by some world miners. [ That's what Roland called them, right? ] We found Roland together and brought him back. We did well today. You can pat yourself on the back for it.

[ Inigo leans his head forward, resting his forehead against the top back of Tidus's shoulder. ]

And I have to thank you especially. For coming right towards me when I was having a rough moment. I really appreciate it.

[ He's glad that Inigo can't see his face. The way that heat suddenly prick at his skin when he comes closer to him, firmer and felt; a stronger embrace that he knows, but only from the other way. Not like this. It's...different too. No, he's been hugged like this by Yuna before, but-

It's nice, isn't a truth he's going to admit out loud in the dark. No wonder why you like it. Once that initial embarrassment cools off, with a light whining he gives, just to distract himself. ]

Hey, you know I would. [ He thinks, and a few seconds of that alone, as he sees where his thoughts go- ] Ugh, you're right - let's not think about it. The way Roland was acting... it's been a rough day already. We're supposed to be sleeping - not overthinking.

[ Instead- and still delaying them from the whole sleeping thing he just brought up: ]

You wanna do something fun when we get back?

[ Because he wants to end it on a good note too. Some sort of positive, and it's the first thing that springs to mind. ]

[ Inigo's lips twitch, and he almost releases the words - I'm glad you thought it was awful to see him that way too. He doesn't say it in the end, not wanting to linger on yet another painful topic, but it's yet another thing he's grateful for. To not be alone in his worry about the guy, to not be the only one who feels weird to see Roland act so unlike himself, so caught up in his own worries and despair.

It's tough. He doesn't know what he can do for Roland to make it any easier, after all, but..

Right. No time for overthinking.

But even though he vows to stop the overthinking, he keeps his hold on Tidus just the way it was a moment ago - tight, close, warm. That's something he doesn't want to give up in this moment. ]

Well.. I know it's going to sound strange, coming from me, but I kind of wish I could practice swimming again. [ Last time was kind of embarrassing, but not.. bad? It was nice to have the support of his two closest friends right there with him, anyway. ] Do you think the train is going to give us that pool carriage anytime soon?

[ d-did someone say swimming??

It's a word - an activity - that Tidus doesn't expect to hear. Strange, and- it brings a feeling over him to think about, swimming. A person so used to spending his days in water, going months without it. A certain kind of longing that reaches his bones. ]

I hope so. [ There's something almost pleading, small about that hope. ] Was there anything else interesting on the voting last time? Everyone really wanted that spa, I guess... but a pool would be great fun, you can do a lot with a pool! Exercising, playing, relaxing...

[ Perhaps not even on purpose, Inigo found a button in Tidus. One that makes his shoulders ease, sigh as he admits- ] I really miss swimming whenever...

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject