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[ Would you be genuinely be happier without me meddling?

The hand knocks into his weaves fingers, but they're not so wedded to be unthreaded. A look given to the challenge, eyes on Inigo's, but he falters quick. An opened mouth. Expression easing from the placid certainty he was in before to one more complicated.

'Happier'. It's not about being happy. Never was, and he can't speak the truth. 'I don't deserve it', 'I'm gone', 'I didn't take just me'-

He lifts his forearm of their hands joined, his hold not really there. Looking at that first. The chance he's had here... to have friends, to have a little more life; the SCA on his wrist: the choice made for him, a prisoner to another's whims.

The arm lowers, their hands with it, down in the space between them. Unsmiling, Tidus looks Inigo in the eye a second time. ]

I chose to leave, Inigo. [ It's a bitter truth, the contrast to these two situations. One chosen, one not. Lives taken in both, but only one tried to prevent. ] I made my choice.

And... [ He keeps his eyes closed, just for a moment. ] I'm not going to be alone, you know. I just won't be in Spira.

I know.

[ Well, he doesn't really know. But from the way Tidus described it before, Inigo assumed as much. Even so, though.. Tidus never sounds happy when describing it.

Even now. That look in his eyes from a moment ago, his mouth a thin line. Could anyone blame Inigo for worrying when Tidus looks like this? ]

But.. [ He hesitates. Too worried about pushing too hard. Isn't that exactly what held him back when Yuna disappeared? And back then-- back then he should have pushed harder in retrospect. Shouldn't have held back, shouldn't have let Tidus wallow in his own misery.

Maybe he needs to be brave now, and push. ]

You gave me that whole lecture. About having to be happy, even though there's no place left for me, even though my future is gone. You kept saying it, so now I'll keep saying it.

[ He swallows. It feels weirdly hard, his throat tight. ]

I'm not.. I'm not going to do anything against your will. I never would. But at least.. think about it. You've never had this chance before. That means you never got to make a fully complete choice. [ Because whatever the specific choice was - surely there couldn't have been any otherworldly shenanigans like this involved with it. ]

Edited 2020-11-29 22:19 (UTC)

[ Is it a bruise, or a wound? This tenderness they're pressing on, a truth he found ways to ignore: what he deserves, what he got; what he had no choice in, what he did. Inigo would get it if he told him, wouldn't he? He should go down with Zanarkand, leave with the city he sacrificed for everyone else. It's only fair. It's all we had. There wasn't any other choice, there wasn't any other choice-

The dim glow of an out he thought he held goes out, to divert the conversation into a place of optimism. And it's the choice being presented to him that makes Tidus struggle: the words he can't get out from his mouth, the uncomfortable shifting in place. He takes his hand from Inigo, removing it to join it back against his abdomen, half-fisted.

I'm not worth it. I'm not worth it. ]

I... [ He struggles, a breath held in his throat. And then each word comes pushed out, strained. ] Do you ever hate it here? On the train? You get to meet so many, you get to experience things you never would have if you didn't! But... but we never chose this. We're just getting used.

We never got a choice. And I-

[ I don't deserve a choice.

His point unravels. Where did he think he was going; what could he have possibly said? Trying to avoid where all his frustrations lead to, but he can't exactly dodge it.

But he wants to. Eyes squeezed tight, as pitiful and slow as it comes out of his mouth. ]

I don't know... how to... think about it.

[ Inigo now full on turns on his side so he can keep looking at Tidus while he listens to the other. Trying to capture every bit of the shifts in his brow, his facial expression. Trying to keep up with what exactly could be underlying the words that do end up leaving his mouth.

Tidus is carrying something so heavy with him. It's not the first time Inigo has thought it, not after having seen Tidus so down before, so heavy with emotion. But it's obvious now too, when that reply of all things ends up being said in the end. ]

That's okay..

[ Inigo's voice is pretty soft. Thankfully it doesn't need to be louder with how close the two of them are together - despite it being only a little above a whisper, it's clearly audible. ]

You don't have to make a choice now. I know.. it can't be easy. [ It's still hard for Inigo to figure out what exactly he wants to do with his life too, after all, even though he's already been convinced to at the very least try. ] But I want you to know it's there. It will always be there, if you want to take it. And if it keeps being too hard to think about, just come to me. Anytime. Talk to me about it, I'll listen. I'll help where I can. We'll figure it out together.

[ It's hard to resist the urge to take Tidus's hands into his own, but considering the other only just pulled away, Inigo doesn't want to be too pushy about that, at the very least. ]

You deserve to be happy, Tidus. You know that, right?

[ 'You deserve to be happy, Tidus. You know that, right?'

He should leave it. Leave it, let it be, don't answer, or just move away from this place. Kind words sincere and honest, truly felt, truly meant. He knows he can't say the 'I don't' in the back of his throat, lodge and trapped in his ribcage. 'I don't, I don't deserve another chance. What about everyone else, huh, Inigo? What about them-'

But it also means he can't rest. Avoiding and manoeuvring over a truth he's already told others, and what real point is there in dodging it any more with Inigo? His body grows discomforted, restless, knowing that giving Inigo his back will do nothing to let him run away.

He sits up, body hanging, arms sprawled over his legs. The world has become dark outside, only the faintest lights hitting on their tent. Ears soaking in the drumming of the rain, wishing it could deafen him completely as he begins to speak. ]

I made a choice. A choice that meant everyone in Zanarkand couldn't come back. If we didn't, Sin would keep coming back, and everyone in Spira would continue to suffer. But Sin, Zanarkand - they were linked. And I made the choice to help destroy them.

I sent them all away.

[ The rain continues to drum.

If only it could deafen him from the silence too. ]

[ There is a moment of silence from Inigo. Because he has to process all of this. The weight of it. Even though it's not his own, Inigo is more than empathetic enough to easily imagine it, feel it. ]

That's not--

[ He starts quickly, like the emotion is exploding straight out of his chest, no holding back any words. Talking without thinking, in sheer defense of Tidus, in protection of the other's wellbeing. He doesn't even think about the effect of his words, other than the knowledge that this has to be said. That someone has to tell Tidus this.

Inigo interrupts himself to actually properly sit up as well. ]

That's not fair. Why did you have to make a choice that big? That's not-- that shouldn't be on any single person's shoulders. [ At least when Inigo chose to go to the past, it was only his own existence he was crumbling up in his hands, something that was far easier to make a decision about. And even then, he hadn't been alone in it. ] Besides, what if you had made the other choice? If you instead chose to let Sin keep coming back, let the people in Spira suffer instead? Wouldn't you have felt just as bad?

[ Inigo's eyes are desperate. In the darkness that surrounds them, it's almost like it's only the two of them present in this whole world. ]

That's not a choice to force you to make. To force anyone to make. Making you choose between two evils.

But I made it. [ Unfair as it was, he says it without pause. He listens to the rain, hoping for some kind of familiar comfort from it, but there's nothing to be found. Here they were, the two of them, all of them - lost out in the void, people sent adrift without a choice of returning to their shores. ]

I made it, [ he repeats, a touch softer than before. Lifting his chin and peering at the darkness of their roof.

And for every hurt the decision left him with, he has nothing else to say. No defence. No frustration. Only the fact. ]

But that's..

[ It's like words fail Inigo here, in the darkness between the two of them. Tidus's pain is so obvious, almost palpable. Of course it is. The weight of a world on your back, its destruction at your hands. Who could carry that without it weighing them down?

Inigo can feel tears rising to his eyes, this time for real, though not due to any real emotions of his own as much as he's just overwhelmed by Tidus's plight.

He reaches out, but clumsily misses, instead accidentally dropping his entire body weight against Tidus, making them both drop the slight distance back to the floor.

And while Inigo does quickly get up, he doesn't get back up to sitting - instead hovering above Tidus, resting on his hands next to the other's head. ]

.. that's too cruel. I'll fight anyone who blames you for it. [ Even though no tears drop, the water is visible in his eyes, glistering even in the dark. ] Even if it's you.

[ Especially if it's Tidus, being way too hard on himself over being forced to do something no one would want to do.

Saying all of this after Inigo said Tidus deserves to be happy, as if this is the counterargument to that, when it's actually just an argument for it. ]

You.. You deserve to be happy, Tidus. I don't care what you think, or anyone else thinks. You deserve it.

[ Just like they said - Tidus has fallen down, and Inigo will get him back up, even if Tidus says no. Both just as headstrong as the other. ]

Edited 2020-11-30 20:34 (UTC)

[ Tidus catches himself with an elbow before he drops too low; not recognising what just happened, but knows it wasn't forceful enough to be on purpose. But then, Inigo is above him, in his view, a darkened frame and face he can hardly see.

He doesn't fight. He doesn't know how to. Doesn't want to when it's one over his life. So many tears cried, and all he has is this emptiness where he no longer fights it.

His head tilts, eyes drowning into the darkness. A person's story can't be changed. ]

Yuna's safe. My old man isn't suffering anymore. I'm happy.

[ Quiet, subdued. Not entirely dishonest. He turns back to the face bearing down on him in the dark. ]

Please save Roland's world. Don't let him do anything stupid. [ Save him with it. ]

Promise.

[ A tall ask for what he's fighting for, but it won't stop him. ]

[ Stupid.

This is the second time in just as many days.

Please save Roland's world.

You can ask Naga to save Will, though. Right? Just him.

Where do they think they can get away with just telling him that? Even Lucina back home talked like that, didn't she. Why is everyone always so eager to get away from him? It's like a tsunami of selfdepreciating thoughts that's about to crash down on Inigo, but-- not now. He can't indulge it, not now, not now of all times. Even though it's hard, even though he has to slightly turn his hand to form a fist, nails digging hard into the palm of his hand. Get a grip, Inigo, you idiot, you promised to pull him back.

You promised. ]

Who are you, huh? This isn't the way I know you. Tidus never gives up. I don't know a single guy who's more stupidly headstrong about fighting absolutely everything that gets into his way.

[ If he found Tidus randomly kicking the side of the train one day for no apparent reason at all, Inigo sure wouldn't be surprised, okay.

He reaches up with one hand to wipe at his eyes, trying to look a bit more tough and convincing rather than a mess on the verge of tears. ]

Do you really think this is what's going to make you happiest? Is that what your father would've wanted for you? [ Granted, Inigo can't be sure of that, considering he did hear mostly about the rocky parts of Tidus's relationship with his father. But he admitted it. That he wanted his father to be proud of him all the same. ]

Do you-- do you think it's what Yuna would want for you?

[ It feels like a low blow, to pull that one out.

But what else is he supposed to do when he's this desperate? ]

[ It has its effect, those blows. Maybe not the right knife that Inigo wants it to be, but they cut in deep all the same. What your father would've wanted for you?, --What Yuna would want for you--

No, he knows the last. She searched for him despite everything. Years gone by and still thinking about him, and it hurts how much she loved him. A hurt he treasures. To have someone love you that strongly, to think about you after all that time. No matter how short the time they had together, brief, over. Who could have been a luckier guy than him? Lucky to ever know her.

Lucky to be the one to have her affection.

'I'm dead,' sits in the back of his throat, a truth he knows he can't speak. Not this. Not on this night after everything that happened to Roland, with how desperate the both of them have been. He can't do that to Inigo now, not after all his hurt, his losses.

He can't let him lose him too.

So he rests in a silence that threatens to drag, to have no response. The darkness he sees the portion of Inigo still settled on his side. Refusing to look up like the coward he is. The truth is... the truth... ]

I don't know... [ he starts, or tries, the words hard to let out. ] I don't know how to... how I would... live with it.

[ The guilt. To be alive when everyone he used to know wasn't coming back. Him with the second chance, the rest of Zanarkand-

His voice turns soft, the rain close to drowning him out. ]

I don't know, Inigo...

Edited 2020-11-30 21:47 (UTC)

[ With the silence hanging over them, only interrupted by the sound of the rain on the tent, Inigo's chest clamps up with worry. Did he go too far? Say the wrong thing? Is Tidus just going to throw him out of his tent now?

And thankfully - thankfully - that doesn't happen, but it's still hard all the same. To see Tidus so lost. So hurt.

It leaves Inigo silent for a moment too, though it takes a bit less long for him to speak up. ]

Of course it's going to be hard.

[ His voice is a bit softer too, still audible even with the backdrop of the rain. And he realises it's maybe not the ideal answer, but.. it is the truth. It's not like this is going to be easy, even if Tidus would choose it. ]

That's why.. It's not like I just suddenly want you to miraculously make up your mind right now.. [ Inigo shifts from his hovering position over Tidus to instead sit up, especially with the other not over at him anyway. ] I just don't want you to give up before ever even thinking of it.

[ He doesn't want to see that defeated look in Tidus's eyes, the one that feels like it sends a sword straight through his heart. ]

Think about it for weeks. Or months. But.. please.. Please don't give up before that. I'm doing my best too since you encouraged me..

... Okay.

[ It's quiet, reluctant. A confirmation he doesn't want to vocalise, but a nod would be too easily lost in the dark. He owes Inigo more, though he isn't sure that he's giving him anything at all. Except, he's right: he's a hypocrite. Telling Inigo he can do it, he can live on no matter what. And yet-

And yet- ]

...I wanted to make you feel better, [ he confesses, after a dose of silence. Small but present. A light jest to words otherwise mirthless. ] Give you company. Guess I ruined that.

[ He looks up to catch Inigo's eye, or somewhere around his face. A smile failing to curl on his lips, grimacing instead. An apology implied, not said. ]

Rain makes everything depressing.

[ Even people. ]

[ The reluctance in the word isn't lost on Inigo, but it's better than nothing. He's grasping at straws so desperately here that he'll take anything, even this. But it mostly just lights his desire to be there for Tidus even more. To make sure he's alright, somehow. A feeling that Inigo has felt since long before he found out his feelings for the other were a little more complicated than he initially thought. ]

.. it's okay. [ He says after a moment, the words more exhaled than actually said. ] I actually want you to tell me these things, you know..? Not everything we talk about has to be super happy all the time. I'd rather have you tell me about these things than let them haunt your head all by yourself. So we can work on it together.

Inigo moves to lie down again too, but this time he actually wraps his arms around Tidus, pulling the other a bit closer to him. With how Tidus is lying there, it's more like their earlier spooning than face-to-face cuddling, but the hold is loose enough for Tidus to turn over and look at him instead if he'd wish to. ]

Sorry though. [ There's a near-pouty quality to his tone, but very soft, very subdued. ] That I get so upset at it.

[ Because he's always a little too emotional. Too involved with others. Feelings extending and tangling up with other people before Inigo can ever stop them. ]

Having you here with me like this does make me feel a lot better, believe it or not..

Sorry that you think I'm stupid? [ It's soft, but the joke comes through clearer than before, not serious. Not wrong either, though there's no real reassurance Tidus thinks he can give. The arm coming over him a surprise touch to his body, but - it's not bad. He doesn't push away from it, or try to wiggle out.

Some things are better not acknowledged. ]

It's nice... hanging out. People do it, back in Zanarkand. You know - sleepovers. Kid stuff, stuff, but I never got to do it much. Once or twice, but. [ He'd shrug here, but leaves it for his tone to do. ] I ever tell you I was a grouchy kid? Figured I was too mature to have them.

[ Hah- ] But to be honest, I was just embarrassed. 'Round that time you really did that kind of thing.

I don't know if people did this back in Ylisse. I didn't. [ But that had more to do with his circumstances. Not like people can just go for casual sleepovers with the prince, after all. Not to mention that the world went to crap early on enough for him to not remember too much of the time things were actually good.

It's only a brief, idle statement though. He's mostly thinking about what Tidus is saying, letting it sink in. Trying to imagine grouchy kid Tidus - actually not too difficult of a feat, despite his more energetic disposition now. After all, knowing what Inigo does about his dad, about the shadow he was growing up in.. It's not too strange.

Interrupting the sound of the rain once more, Inigo speaks up again. ]

How about now? Are you embarrassed?

[ Tidus must have known for sure that this was the inevitable outcome of inviting Inigo over into his tent, after all. He's not particularly subtle about his constant desire for physical affection.

And yet he asked Inigo to come sleep here anyway. ]

[ Is he? ]

...It's not bad, [ he admits. Maybe strangely - and maybe it's because everything that's come before this: the talking, the intimacy shared no physical, but else. He's not feeling what he usually does, overthinking the situation despite knowing what this actually means for Inigo.

He's with a friend. He can't mind that, right now. ]

What about in your cabin? With your roommates. [ He wonders- ] Do you like rooming with people?

[ It's not as close as this, but he wonders, Inigo speaking about not sleeping over with people back in Ylisse, not sharing a tent with anyone 'til now. Did he like his cabinmates? ]

[ He hums softly from behind Tidus, thinking. ]

I like the idea of rooming with others, but.. I'm not really close with my roommates. [ Inigo sounds a tad embarrassed, admitting it. There are plenty of people who'd describe him as a social butterfly, after all, but there are still some times where shyness holds him back, or not having great contact with people immediately makes him worry. ]

Not-- Not that they're bad people. Not at all. We just.. don't talk a whole lot, you know?

[ He hasn't even really let his front down much yet with them. ]

No? [ There's a note of surprise in that, but one short-lived. ] Mmm, I get it. I'm the same with mine. I mean, I'm not interested in getting to know Xue Yang, [ all things considered, ] but S'reee likes staying out of the room. It's too cramped for her. And we haven't had anyone on the bed above her in nearly a month.

[ He chuckles lightly. ] You can come over and take it if you want. If you don't mind disappearing back to your bed after. [ That's what happens, right? ] And sleeping above a bathtub.

[ You can never forget the bathtub. ]

.. what?

[ Under their current circumstances, it's not the kind of dramatic surprise that one might otherwise get from Inigo. It's more subdued while they're lying here like this, quiet, with only the darkness and the rain to accompany them.

A surprise that lingers in the air for a moment. Because it's just.. new. Sure, Inigo has been on the train for long enough with friends that he's at least grown used to the idea that people actually like him here and care for him, but this feels a little beyond that. It's Tidus inviting him into his space, after all. A shared space, but one that has been Tidus's for a while now.

Not that it's a bad thing. Quite the opposite. Inigo already finds himself liking the idea, sleeping with someone so dear to him nearby.. Hence why it's just a good kind of surprise. Surprise at Tidus giving him this gift.

His arms, still around Tidus, momentarily squeeze the other just slightly before getting a bit more relaxed again. ]

You're.. You're sure? You wouldn't mind?

[ What's that squeeze for? To see if he's not really dreaming, to check that it's Tidus there? It makes Tidus curious, looking nowhere into the darkness. A small smile playing on his lips. ]

Should I? [ What was there to bother him? He wonders, thinking- ] I can let you borrow my ticket if you need to get in or out...

Mmm... ... nope! Don't see a problem. It's up to you, [ he decides. But what else was there to think about? He wasn't the one who'd disappear in the morning. ]

I can ask S'reee if she minds. But I doubt it. Just as long as she can get in and out, and she didn't have problems with the last guy we had.

[ ...oh. ]

You're not going to mind a girl whale in the room, are you? [ he asks cheekily... ]

[ UGH.

Mood ruined. Very temporarily, but ruined all the same. Inigo even just groans in flustered annoyance. Tidus, please!! ]

There literally are two girls in my room already! [ .. Orisa counts as a girl, right? He.. thinks..? Either way, point is-- ] I'm pretty sure I'll survive sleeping in the same room as a girl whale.

[ G-GEEZ. Don't make fun of him being terrified of girls, bro! ]

I was touched that you didn't mind having me around there, but now I see it's just so you can have even more opportunities to tease me.

[ And yet, for all his current embarrassment, he's not letting go of Tidus. Still just holding on to him. Not very tight, still, but present all the same. ]

[ That does get a light laugh out of Tidus. ]

Isn't that going to be the best part about it? I can tell you if you snore! And find out if you have any weird sleeping habits...

[ No he won't, not if Inigo's going to take the top bunk, but why not make it sound like a threat for a guy like Inigo? Make him whine and call him a bully, but still be holding onto him, no matter what else he teases him with. ]

I wonder if you sleep with socks on?

[ Like so. ]

I'm going back to my own tent.

[ Says the guy who is not making even a single motion to do so. (He's enjoying the cuddling, okay, even if Tidus is trying to ruin it by being.. by being dumb!!) ]

I can't believe I'm completely willing to be vulnerable and asleep in front of you, my dear friend Tidus, and you're betraying that trust before I've even fully extended it to you! [ HUFF. ] Now we know who's the better friend here.

[ Is this getting more chuckles out of Tidus? From the threat of Inigo leaving to as he goes on. It keeps in his voice, tickled. You can hear the smile on his face as he speaks. ]

I never said Taiki wasn't the better friend. [ ayyyye, cheeky cheeky. ] But if I'm remember things right, weren't you the one who came to me to tent with first? Sooo... it sounds like to me...

You like me more?

[ Sacrilege talk, coyly asked. But he said it!! ]

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