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Yeah. [ Apparently it's not something Inigo has to think about for long. The answer slips out of his mouth easily, despite his earlier surprise at Tidus offering him any of this at all.

But he just knows he wants it. Knows he needs it, even. Today's stress is still haunting him, and Inigo just knows that if he'd go to sleep by himself tonight, he wouldn't shut a single eye all night. He would just lie there, thinking about everything.

It's the same comfort he sought in Tidus the other day, back when it was the stress of the meteor on his mind instead. Except this time he can actually get it. Why would he say no to that? ]

Thank you. I.. [ He reaches up to rub a hand at still mostly dry eyes. He's not crying, but this is preventive, okay!! ] I'm trying really hard to not get mushy.

[ Since he is at least aware that Tidus deals with mushy a whole lot less well than he does. ]

But I am really glad you're offering. I'm actually pretty tired. [ He'll even admit that much for once, in return for the kindness Tidus is showing. ]

[ Oh no, is he crying? Tidus worries for a pulse, but then, it has been a hard day on Inigo. Whether or not he cries - he has been crying. Been on the verge of tears all that. It's fine, Tidus knows how he is.

So he won't remark on it, but takes the hint, and- ]

Then move your stuff over into mine. I don't have anything to do - it's all these other busybodies planning to stay up late!

[ If he could contribute any, he would, but even he's exhausted. From the running around, fighting, tidying, gathering. Every day is enough without the fears that plagued them about Roland that day, and-

He points a thumb in direction. ]

You know where to find me.

[ It wasn't like their tents were that far apart anyway. ...let's be real, they're close, and so the last thing he says is more playful than anything like a real 'see you in five'. ]

Busybodies staying up late, huh. Never heard of that one before.

[ Get it. It's funny because usually that's him-- okay, you get it. At least Inigo is self aware enough to be able to make jokes about it like this.

But today it sure isn't him. He knows he wouldn't be able to get anything done even if he tried. Somewhere between all the worrying about Roland and their desperate trip across the jungle the exhaustion has completely seeped down into Inigo's bones. ]

Come on, let's go then. [ Since their tents really are close enough that Inigo can easily grab a blanket from his own tent and be at Tidus's tent in just a few seconds to cozy up with him there. ]

Uhhhh huh.

[ Tidus knows how to go along with a joke, slip in that suspicious noise and drag it out.

But despite that, there'll be no fuss. Tidus goes to his tent and Inigo temporarily to his, the light pattering of a starting rain following them - coming down harder at every second. The tent front will be open for Inigo to shuffle himself in, not much in the way with Tidus thinking to move to a side. There's the blanket bought from Irivar, the pillow off his bed and its blanket rolled up for a second one. He's got a sports bottle of water beside him, but he'll sit up to move the flap of the tent aside when he gets the clue Inigo's coming. ]

Hey, get in quick! We don't need a bath in here! [ Haha- ] 'least it won't be stuffy tonight.

Coming, coming!

[ Inigo practically dives into the tent to get out of the rain, pillow under one arm, his blanket under the other. He puts both of them down next to Tidus's own, and then moves up a hand to wipe his half-wet bangs out of his eyes. That rain sure got a lot more intense really quickly. Maybe it really is for the better that he's in here rather than out there working.

(Although, knowing Inigo, he would have easily kept on working even in the middle of a total downpour.) ]

I guess they call it a rainforest for a reason.. [ Not that Inigo had heard of the term before someone used it to explain the concept of a jungle, but it's all coming together now. The rain is audible even now against the top of the tent, but if anything, it just sets the mood, somehow making things even a bit more cozy.

Kicking off his shoes, Inigo puts his head down on the pillow. ]

.. you know, I've been sleeping in a tent plenty of times, but this is the first time I'm doing it together with someone else.

[ Tidus rests back easy, exaggerated sigh to go with it. The rain is loud about their heads, a notch higher needed to talk, but Tidus can't mind it. His body is weary, tired from all that running around. He is so not planning to go back out there. ]

Really? How come? [ He's laying with his eyes closed for now, just focusing on the conversation. A conversation about nothing much - that's a good start. ] Everyone always have their own?

[ There's a hmm-mm affirmative sound coming from Inigo. His own eyes are still open, staring at the canvas above them. ]

And I never thought of just.. asking for this. [ Even though he probably could have gotten away with asking Lucina it. His guy friends for sure would never have believed him, and his female friends would just think he was hitting on them - but Lucina would have let him, he's sure.

If only he had asked. ]

It wasn't the kind of person I wanted to be back there. I didn't like the thought of being so vulnerable. So needy. [ Especially not under their constantly stressful circumstances, the constant battles. ] I mean.. I still don't like that now, but I'm trying to be more honest to who I really am, instead of pretending to be something I'm not.

[ He figures it's something he can tell Tidus, since the other might understand. The way he acted towards Tidus early on is a world apart from how he acts around the other now, after all. ]

[ An Inigo being someone else than the guy Tidus sees him as now... it really does feel like a life time ago. ]

You shouldn't. You should be the guy you wanna be. The guy you are. [ That, Tidus can speak assuredly though. He'll never say otherwise, and he knows he doesn't need to be dumb about it and throw in 'as long as you don't hurt no one'. That isn't any Inigo. ]

Mmm, good... sounds like we just need to work on you being honest about getting healed up then, now! [ A small scoff- ] Telling me you didn't wanna get healed before - you really think I was going to listen? The only right answer is 'Thanks', you know.

[ He teases, but he's not lying either, the words leaving his mouth in a crescent shape. ]

Ugh.

[ It's not even really a frustrated 'ugh'. This is more just a whine. Inigo's even kicking his feet a little as he says it, although - thankfully - not in Tidus's direction. ]

It's just-- habit! [ Well, mostly habit. ] I know it's not as if healing one headache or something like that is going to knock you out or even get close to that, but I still didn't want you to waste that bit of energy on me.

Oh yeah? [ He already knows, but hearing that... it takes Tidus a few seconds, before- ]

So if you saw me get knocked to the floor, I don't want you to help me. [ Is he really doing this- ] I don't want you wasting that energy picking me up!

[ His voice is even goading. He's absolutely doing this on purpose, knows what Inigo means.

But he still doing it. ]

[ And Inigo? Of course he knows exactly what Tidus is doing here. It doesn't take more than one braincell to figure it out.

Yet he groans all the same. ]

I can't believe you're doing this. [ And yet Tidus is here! Doing it! ] Besides, you healed me anyway, buddy! Even though I said no! Guess that means I'm going to pick you up even though you're also telling me no!

[ He turns his head, eyes already open, but Tidus has really got to look at the state of Inigo's exasperation as his grin widens more and more. ]

Yup! Sounds like we're stuck with each other. [ You couldn't believe this voice could get any more coy: ] Regreeet it?

[ This annoyingly stubborn-headed friendship? ]

[ Suddenly Tidus is looking at him.

And saying that.

Inigo is quiet for a second, but then all the exasperation melts away like snow under the sun. ]

Meeting you is one of the best things that ever happened to me. [ He's not even being sappy on purpose - though it would be a tempting revenge for that coy, coy voice Tidus is using.

But no, this is just the truth. And if lying together in a tent with the rain still pouring down isn't the appropriate setting to say that sort of thing, then what is? ]

How about that?

[ Ugh. He walked right into that one, didn't he?

Tidus's nose wrinkles first, mouth pressing tight. That sincerity that's always a dose too strong for him to handle, though it can't be called anything but touching. Sweet.

Except, who's he to get embarrassed, just leave it at that, when he invited this? So he laughs, a chuckle invited by the taste of Inigo's honesty, that tickles him throughout. Shaking his head, turning back to face that of their roof. His hands resting over his stomach.

It leaves him giddy, glad. It's a nice mood. ]

...Thanks. [ It's shy, if just a touch, a notion added by how he tilts his head a little, so Inigo can't see his face. A pause before he continues. ] I hope you meet better than me. Someone... special. [ Well- ] Lots of someones. A nice life.

[ And he wonders - has he ever asked? He will now, since, he's never been sure: ]

Do you want to go home?

[ There are two kinds of simultaneous 'ughs' going through Inigo's head right now.

First of all there's the 'ugh, he's so cute' thought. A thought he knows he's had more often before when Tidus got all shy over sweetness like this, but a thought that takes on a whole new meaning after Inigo's realisation only just the other day. And at the same time there's the 'ugh' at Tidus saying he hopes he meets someone special better than him, UGH, TIDUS, YOU STRAIGHT IDIOT.

But they're shoved aside in favour of wanting to answer the question seriously, his own gaze trailing up to the top of the tent too. ]

Yeah. I mean, I have something left to do. I can't just abandon my world before it's saved. [ That has been a constant for him, ever since he showed up here on the train. Even if everything else in his future was uncertain, he knew he had to save Ylisse first. ]

And after that.. [ Inigo pauses, suddenly unsure of how much Roland told Tidus. How much he knows. Maybe it's okay as long as he's vague..? ] I.. I'm going to ask Naga to make things alright for Roland's world. I thought then maybe I could live there too, since it's not like there's anything left for me in my own world..

[ His voice trails off.

A thought he already had the other day rises back up in his mind. ]

.. you know, if you want.. I could ask her to help you out too. [ He may not know the details of Tidus's separation from everything he's known and loved, but-- ] Maybe she could help you.. you know.

[ Reunite with Yuna, he means. Inigo kind of hates himself as he thinks it. What kind of idiot is he, suggesting the guy he's crushing on get back with the girl he loves?

But what else is he supposed to do? Yuna makes him happy. And Inigo knows it. ]

[ Getting Inigo's dragon to help him...

It's nice. As nice as when Senku offered to help him too, if with a different mood. The rain continues to patter on the material of the shelter around them, softer than before, but still a light drumming to his ears. A contentedness. A peace.

Acceptance. ]

What's Naga gonna think, you offering her out to help anyone? [ There's a tease to his voice, since- ] Old people you know, they're pretty grouchy. And, well-

[ He fingers slip together, his thumbs idly brushing off each other. ]

I'm fine. You should focus on Roland, help him out. His world - he told me too. They're gonna need all the help they can get. [ A lot of it. What's the world going to be like when they get there?

He lets his head rest on his shoulder, turned Inigo's way. A beat. ]

...I hope his son's okay.

He's going to be okay. I'm going to make sure of it.

[ It's a whole lot more confident than Inigo has any right to sound, considering that he isn't even absolutely sure Naga will listen to him, will be able to help. But.. she's their divine dragon. He has a connection to her. Surely she'll understand his plight when he tells her about it. Besides, he has to be confident. For Roland's sake, even though the guy isn't here with them in the tent. ]

But.. you know what?

[ Inigo's head lulls to the side too, looking back at Tidus. ]

You're doing the exact thing he did. Roland told me to save his son instead of him. [ Inigo laughs, like this isn't some big, heavy topic. ] You guys seriously don't have any faith in me. I can save as many things as I want to. I'm the son of the Exalt, you know?

[ What do they think Naga is, some sort of 3 wishes limited genie in a bottle? If she'll hear one request from him, then surely one more won't be so much on top of it.. ]

And Tidus, unless you can look me in the eye and say you'll genuinely be happier without me meddling in anything for you, I won't let you get away with saying this either.

[ His hand is a little far away, but Inigo reaches over all the same to grab a hold of it, even though it's a little awkward with their current positions. ]

We promised. First to give up gets dragged back by the other.

Edited 2020-11-29 21:43 (UTC)

[ Would you be genuinely be happier without me meddling?

The hand knocks into his weaves fingers, but they're not so wedded to be unthreaded. A look given to the challenge, eyes on Inigo's, but he falters quick. An opened mouth. Expression easing from the placid certainty he was in before to one more complicated.

'Happier'. It's not about being happy. Never was, and he can't speak the truth. 'I don't deserve it', 'I'm gone', 'I didn't take just me'-

He lifts his forearm of their hands joined, his hold not really there. Looking at that first. The chance he's had here... to have friends, to have a little more life; the SCA on his wrist: the choice made for him, a prisoner to another's whims.

The arm lowers, their hands with it, down in the space between them. Unsmiling, Tidus looks Inigo in the eye a second time. ]

I chose to leave, Inigo. [ It's a bitter truth, the contrast to these two situations. One chosen, one not. Lives taken in both, but only one tried to prevent. ] I made my choice.

And... [ He keeps his eyes closed, just for a moment. ] I'm not going to be alone, you know. I just won't be in Spira.

I know.

[ Well, he doesn't really know. But from the way Tidus described it before, Inigo assumed as much. Even so, though.. Tidus never sounds happy when describing it.

Even now. That look in his eyes from a moment ago, his mouth a thin line. Could anyone blame Inigo for worrying when Tidus looks like this? ]

But.. [ He hesitates. Too worried about pushing too hard. Isn't that exactly what held him back when Yuna disappeared? And back then-- back then he should have pushed harder in retrospect. Shouldn't have held back, shouldn't have let Tidus wallow in his own misery.

Maybe he needs to be brave now, and push. ]

You gave me that whole lecture. About having to be happy, even though there's no place left for me, even though my future is gone. You kept saying it, so now I'll keep saying it.

[ He swallows. It feels weirdly hard, his throat tight. ]

I'm not.. I'm not going to do anything against your will. I never would. But at least.. think about it. You've never had this chance before. That means you never got to make a fully complete choice. [ Because whatever the specific choice was - surely there couldn't have been any otherworldly shenanigans like this involved with it. ]

Edited 2020-11-29 22:19 (UTC)

[ Is it a bruise, or a wound? This tenderness they're pressing on, a truth he found ways to ignore: what he deserves, what he got; what he had no choice in, what he did. Inigo would get it if he told him, wouldn't he? He should go down with Zanarkand, leave with the city he sacrificed for everyone else. It's only fair. It's all we had. There wasn't any other choice, there wasn't any other choice-

The dim glow of an out he thought he held goes out, to divert the conversation into a place of optimism. And it's the choice being presented to him that makes Tidus struggle: the words he can't get out from his mouth, the uncomfortable shifting in place. He takes his hand from Inigo, removing it to join it back against his abdomen, half-fisted.

I'm not worth it. I'm not worth it. ]

I... [ He struggles, a breath held in his throat. And then each word comes pushed out, strained. ] Do you ever hate it here? On the train? You get to meet so many, you get to experience things you never would have if you didn't! But... but we never chose this. We're just getting used.

We never got a choice. And I-

[ I don't deserve a choice.

His point unravels. Where did he think he was going; what could he have possibly said? Trying to avoid where all his frustrations lead to, but he can't exactly dodge it.

But he wants to. Eyes squeezed tight, as pitiful and slow as it comes out of his mouth. ]

I don't know... how to... think about it.

[ Inigo now full on turns on his side so he can keep looking at Tidus while he listens to the other. Trying to capture every bit of the shifts in his brow, his facial expression. Trying to keep up with what exactly could be underlying the words that do end up leaving his mouth.

Tidus is carrying something so heavy with him. It's not the first time Inigo has thought it, not after having seen Tidus so down before, so heavy with emotion. But it's obvious now too, when that reply of all things ends up being said in the end. ]

That's okay..

[ Inigo's voice is pretty soft. Thankfully it doesn't need to be louder with how close the two of them are together - despite it being only a little above a whisper, it's clearly audible. ]

You don't have to make a choice now. I know.. it can't be easy. [ It's still hard for Inigo to figure out what exactly he wants to do with his life too, after all, even though he's already been convinced to at the very least try. ] But I want you to know it's there. It will always be there, if you want to take it. And if it keeps being too hard to think about, just come to me. Anytime. Talk to me about it, I'll listen. I'll help where I can. We'll figure it out together.

[ It's hard to resist the urge to take Tidus's hands into his own, but considering the other only just pulled away, Inigo doesn't want to be too pushy about that, at the very least. ]

You deserve to be happy, Tidus. You know that, right?

[ 'You deserve to be happy, Tidus. You know that, right?'

He should leave it. Leave it, let it be, don't answer, or just move away from this place. Kind words sincere and honest, truly felt, truly meant. He knows he can't say the 'I don't' in the back of his throat, lodge and trapped in his ribcage. 'I don't, I don't deserve another chance. What about everyone else, huh, Inigo? What about them-'

But it also means he can't rest. Avoiding and manoeuvring over a truth he's already told others, and what real point is there in dodging it any more with Inigo? His body grows discomforted, restless, knowing that giving Inigo his back will do nothing to let him run away.

He sits up, body hanging, arms sprawled over his legs. The world has become dark outside, only the faintest lights hitting on their tent. Ears soaking in the drumming of the rain, wishing it could deafen him completely as he begins to speak. ]

I made a choice. A choice that meant everyone in Zanarkand couldn't come back. If we didn't, Sin would keep coming back, and everyone in Spira would continue to suffer. But Sin, Zanarkand - they were linked. And I made the choice to help destroy them.

I sent them all away.

[ The rain continues to drum.

If only it could deafen him from the silence too. ]

[ There is a moment of silence from Inigo. Because he has to process all of this. The weight of it. Even though it's not his own, Inigo is more than empathetic enough to easily imagine it, feel it. ]

That's not--

[ He starts quickly, like the emotion is exploding straight out of his chest, no holding back any words. Talking without thinking, in sheer defense of Tidus, in protection of the other's wellbeing. He doesn't even think about the effect of his words, other than the knowledge that this has to be said. That someone has to tell Tidus this.

Inigo interrupts himself to actually properly sit up as well. ]

That's not fair. Why did you have to make a choice that big? That's not-- that shouldn't be on any single person's shoulders. [ At least when Inigo chose to go to the past, it was only his own existence he was crumbling up in his hands, something that was far easier to make a decision about. And even then, he hadn't been alone in it. ] Besides, what if you had made the other choice? If you instead chose to let Sin keep coming back, let the people in Spira suffer instead? Wouldn't you have felt just as bad?

[ Inigo's eyes are desperate. In the darkness that surrounds them, it's almost like it's only the two of them present in this whole world. ]

That's not a choice to force you to make. To force anyone to make. Making you choose between two evils.

But I made it. [ Unfair as it was, he says it without pause. He listens to the rain, hoping for some kind of familiar comfort from it, but there's nothing to be found. Here they were, the two of them, all of them - lost out in the void, people sent adrift without a choice of returning to their shores. ]

I made it, [ he repeats, a touch softer than before. Lifting his chin and peering at the darkness of their roof.

And for every hurt the decision left him with, he has nothing else to say. No defence. No frustration. Only the fact. ]

But that's..

[ It's like words fail Inigo here, in the darkness between the two of them. Tidus's pain is so obvious, almost palpable. Of course it is. The weight of a world on your back, its destruction at your hands. Who could carry that without it weighing them down?

Inigo can feel tears rising to his eyes, this time for real, though not due to any real emotions of his own as much as he's just overwhelmed by Tidus's plight.

He reaches out, but clumsily misses, instead accidentally dropping his entire body weight against Tidus, making them both drop the slight distance back to the floor.

And while Inigo does quickly get up, he doesn't get back up to sitting - instead hovering above Tidus, resting on his hands next to the other's head. ]

.. that's too cruel. I'll fight anyone who blames you for it. [ Even though no tears drop, the water is visible in his eyes, glistering even in the dark. ] Even if it's you.

[ Especially if it's Tidus, being way too hard on himself over being forced to do something no one would want to do.

Saying all of this after Inigo said Tidus deserves to be happy, as if this is the counterargument to that, when it's actually just an argument for it. ]

You.. You deserve to be happy, Tidus. I don't care what you think, or anyone else thinks. You deserve it.

[ Just like they said - Tidus has fallen down, and Inigo will get him back up, even if Tidus says no. Both just as headstrong as the other. ]

Edited 2020-11-30 20:34 (UTC)

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